“What disturbs people’s minds is not events, but their judgments on events.”
In China, parents once bound the feet of their daughters in pursuit of beauty. In parts of Africa, both men and women elongate their earlobes and decorate their skin with minerals to look attractive, and this trend may be found in the United States now. At one time in this society, we found plump, rotund people to be the epitome of beauty.
Old movies show us that the Tarzans and Supermen of past decades would hardly pass muster in today’s gyms. Today we define beauty as a thin, youthful, and muscular look. Today we go under the knife and on extreme diets to achieve a socially acceptable appearance – not to mention tattoos and body piercing – all practices that are similar to the early Chinese custom of binding feet.
Although changes are taking place, strong social standards have dictated, especially through the media, how we should look – and if our own bodies deviate from these expectations, which is the case for almost all of us, we can feel inferior and ashamed. We hide. We cover up. We don’t like an important part of our selves. We feel depressed. We feel anxious in front of other people. We feel powerless – and we are apologetic when we show the world who we are.
When we commit ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly expect to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn’t have before. Humans, as social beings, seem to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction often serves as the motivator for making initial contact with the other person, and this is usually replaced over time with a deeper sense of commitment and intimacy.
It comes as a terrible disappointment to some people when the sexual phase of their relationship fails to lead in time to something deeper. The task, then, is to understand the forces which block the development of a deeper sense of intimacy – and to do something about it. Fortunately, with some work – and it’s often hard work – couples can learn to move into the stage of deeper sharing and more fulfillment in their relationships.
“If I Win, You Lose” is Not Our Only Option!
Control, like most facets of human behavior, is probably best experienced in moderation. At one end of the spectrum, control is a positive, adaptive tool. For example, control over prolonged and constant chaos in our lives is usually a good thing. At the other end, control can be seen as negative. People who are over-controlled to the point of being unable to feel or express emotion can find life’s expected turmoils to be difficult or even impossible to handle.
For many LGBTQ youths, the act of “coming out” to their parents that they are gay is nerve-racking.
They may have already told some friends, but coming out to you, their parents, is a whole other matter. Worries about being accepted or loved by you afterwards will probably be on their minds.
They may be nervous, anxious, even scared to tell you something that they have kept hidden—perhaps for years.
You may very well have a wide range of emotions during these discussions.
For obvious reasons, this won’t be an easy conversation for either of you. How you respond to your teen’s revelation is critical.
Here are several tips to help you respond sensibly.
Have you felt like you and your partner are more like roommates than intimate companions? Watching Netflix in your sweatpants while your partner plays a game on their cell phone sounds like a hot date, right?
There is not a lot about that scenario radiating romance. What it does portray is a mutual level of extreme comfort you and your partner have embraced.
Of course, nothing is wrong with feeling comfortable around your partner. Actually, you want to be comfortable with each other. But you also want to nurture the intimate connection you have and acting like roommates simply doesn’t do that.
If you feel stuck in the ‘roommate rut’, try these suggestions:
It’s the one conversation that makes parents cringe and squirm: the sex talk.
It’s natural if you feel anxious about this and you can let your child know this if it happens. They too will probably feel awkward but if you keep calm and aren’t afraid of having this discussion, it will help them feel safer with you.
If you are finding yourself in this position, considering these ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ may help you handle the situation:
You may have heard the term “emotional affair.” Do you understand what it really means? Is it really ‘cheating’?
Consider the following:
Sex and sexual desire is a key part of many relationships. It provides a certain aspect of intimacy.
So, what happens when your partner’s sex drive differs from yours?
First, this doesn’t have to be an obstacle. Consider these tips to help you cope with this difference and still maintaining a healthy relationship.
Many couples consider premarital counseling as something for those who really don’t know what they want out of a marriage.
Yet, that is far from the truth. In reality, premarital counseling should be a prerequisite for any couple looking to get married.
How can it benefit and strengthen your relationship?