“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
All of us experience major disruptions at certain points in our lives. In fact, this is an expected and predictable hallmark of the human condition. For some, these hard times come frequently – the impact of the trauma is overwhelming and recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience – the strength required to adapt to chaos and hardship – lies at the heart of mental and emotional health.
Words that describe reconciliation include ‘repair’, ‘heal’, ‘fix’ ‘rebuild’ and ‘restore’.
Sometimes these terms even have a place at the international level, when two or more countries in conflict can find reconciliation after a war.
The same can be said for partners whose relationship has been rocked by an affair. “War” may seem to be a strong word to apply to this situation. But just as in war, infidelity involves people who have very different perspectives.
Despite having ongoing differences and difficulty, it is possible for couples to find forgiveness and reconcile after an affair.
Here’s how this can happen:
So, you’ve cheated on your partner and are now struggling with the aftermath.
You have guilt and lots of other emotions swirling around inside you. In fact, there are two different parts of you telling you to do vastly different things.
On the one hand, you feel that you should tell your partner what happened and be honest. The other half says that you shouldn’t tell at all. In fact, you may have already convinced yourself that you will keep this hidden from your partner at all costs.
What you decide to do now will have great ramifications for your relationship in the future.
What should you do?
Love is war. So the saying goes goes .
That comparison may actually be fitting in connection with something you perhaps haven’t thought of—trauma.
It’s no secret that sexual infidelity can be physically harmful and emotionally crushing. A betrayed partner may feel a whole range of devastating emotions and experiences a bewildering variety of bodily symptoms.
One moment they feel angry and irritated, the next as if living in a daze where nothing matters. They can’t sleep, they can’t eat. It’s as if they’ve gone crazy.
It’s a reaction to the trauma of betrayal.
When a relationship is rocked by an affair, the betrayed partner is often the focus of attention. This is normal, since the hurt partner is traumatized.
In the immediate aftermath of the affair, addressing this partner’s anger, pain, shock and confusion is of paramount importance.
But if you have children they also feel the effects and need as much help coping with the painful situation as much as – or even more – than your partner needs.
So after your children learn about your affair, what can you do?
Note: The worst possible scenario you could face would be that your child becomes suicidal. At the end of this article are the Warning Signs of Childhood Depression including what actions you would need to take.
You may have heard the term “emotional affair.” Do you understand what it really means? Is it really ‘cheating’?
Consider the following:
Porn has become a household subject within the past few decades. While most people aren’t sitting around the dinner table discussing it in detail, we are more aware of its existence now than ever. In fact, many people have invited porn into their lives “just for fun.”
Maybe you thought viewing a little action to “spice” up your own libido wouldn’t hurt anything. Now, you’re hooked. You can’t get enough.
When you first started watching porn you may not have intended for this to happen. As life plays out, though, it’s easy to see that porn is anything but harmless to a romantic relationship.
The single most destructive threat to a committed relationship is when one of the partners engages in an intimate relationship with another person. This is not an uncommon event. Conservative estimates suggest that about a quarter of women, and a third of men, have violated their marital commitment to their partners. About 65 percent of marriages struck by infidelity end in divorce.