Have you felt like you and your partner are more like roommates than intimate companions? Watching Netflix in your sweatpants while your partner plays a game on their cell phone sounds like a hot date, right?

Not exactly.

There is not a lot about that scenario radiating romance. What it does portray is a mutual level of extreme comfort you and your partner have embraced.

Of course, nothing is wrong with feeling comfortable around your partner. Actually, you want to be comfortable with each other. But you also want to nurture the intimate connection you have and acting like roommates simply doesn’t do that.

If you feel stuck in the ‘roommate rut’, try these suggestions:

1. Get in the Right Frame of Mind

The roommate rut starts in your mind. To dig your way out of the rut, you first have to change the way you think about your relationship.

To begin, stop thinking you’ve “arrived” in your relationship. No relationship ever arrives. But it can grow and move in new and exciting directions. There are always more adventures to be had and plenty more chapters to be written.

Adopt a mindset that forces you to think of your partner differently. For instance, explore and learn more about them on a deeper level – their dreams, personal goals and struggles, fantasies, and wishes.

And really listen to what they say.  One way to make your partner feel like they matter to you is to occasionally repeat back what you heard them saying to make sure you understood them.

2. Connect When You’re Apart

Keeping a relationship healthy includes maintaining the connection while things are good between you and when they’re not.

So, make a point to reach out to your partner during the course of the day. Instead of text messaging, it’s better to call if you can. A ten second phone call and hearing the sound of each other’s voice is sometimes all that it takes for partners feel cared about, even they’re fighting.

If they can’t answer leave a message that you were thinking of them. Either way, your partner knows that they matter to you and you think of them when you’re apart.

When you make the call, it will “speak volumes” about your care and concern and will help to kiss that roommate mentality goodbye.

3. Give Up on Carry-Out

If you’re like most people, especially after a hard day’s work, you may want to just sit on the couch and relax. But when this routine becomes your go-to date night, then you are only digging the roommate rut deeper.

Try getting out of the house.

It’s a simple strategy, but incredibly effective. Getting out of your comfort zone makes your mind more alert and attentive to what’s happening around you. This fresh attitude can quickly revive the time you spend with your partner and place your relationship in a new light.

4. Shake Things Up

Take your date night a step further and opt for adventure. You don’t necessarily have to go bungee jumping, but commit to a new restaurant or event for each date night.

After all, the roommate rut can extend to your favorite pizza joint, too.

If an activity feels dull or boring for both of you, then find a way to revive it. Search for new activities to do together. For instance, go to a painting class or cooking class or try a pottery class. You might find that you both really stink at painting or cooking or pottery, but you are having fun together and that’s the point.

5. Create a Bucket List

When you first started dating, there’s a good chance that you talked about all the exciting things you wanted to do together. As life gets busy, it’s easy to lose track of those things.

To kick the roommate rut, try reviving those old dreams and adventures. Simply talking about them can do wonders for your connection.

So write a bucket list of the things you want to do together. Whether it’s traveling to Italy, visiting the new Thai restaurant in town, or trying your hand at paintball—put it on the list and get started.

Keeping old Bucket Lists in a scrap book can help record fond memories of your relationship.

6. Pencil It In

Often, being in a roommate rut equates to no sex or boring sex. It’s important to acknowledge that sex is vital in a romantic relationship – .it’s an expression of intimacy.

To rekindle the flame, scheduling time to have sex can actually help. It might sound a little strange to put something this intimate on the calendar like you would a dentist appointment, but the idea is to nurture a sense of anticipation.

When you know sex is on the agenda, then you can both cling to the excitement of what lies ahead.

Getting Help

If you’re feeling stuck in the roommate rut, I can help. Please reach out to me so that we can examine new ways to revive your relationship and renew your romantic connection. Call me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or send an email to jimswaniger@gmail.com.