Porn has become a household subject within the past few decades. While most people aren’t sitting around the dinner table discussing it in detail, we are more aware of its existence now than ever. In fact, many people have invited porn into their lives “just for fun.”
Maybe you thought viewing a little action to “spice” up your own libido wouldn’t hurt anything. Now, you’re hooked. You can’t get enough.
When you first started watching porn you may not have intended for this to happen. As life plays out, though, it’s easy to see that porn is anything but harmless to a romantic relationship.
Many people search for that special intimacy in their relationship. Some of us search our entire lives for a feeling of oneness with another person. It’s hard to describe, really, what we search for, but we know it when we finally achieve it. Maybe we tire of that dark feeling of being alone as we struggle through life. If only there were someone else here, we say to ourselves, who could understand and share these burdens. Then it wouldn’t be so lonely. It wouldn’t be so hard.
The single most destructive threat to a committed relationship is when one of the partners engages in an intimate relationship with another person. This is not an uncommon event. Conservative estimates suggest that about a quarter of women, and a third of men, have violated their marital commitment to their partners. About 65 percent of marriages struck by infidelity end in divorce.
If you have intense feelings during any of these steps, this may be an indicator that you may need to work some more on your losses before you are ready to forgive. The help of a supportive person – a professional therapist or a trusted friend – may be needed as you progress through this experience.
Please call me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or email me at jimswaniger@gmail.com with any questions of to schedule an appointment.
All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for note returning our phone call, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed us in a major way. The greatest hurts seem to come from those who play the most significant roles in our lives.
The enormity of the hurt may lead us to conclude that we can never forgive the other person. However, to forgive or not forgive is one of our most important life choices. It is vital for our own emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice that has consequences.
Is it fair that you have to work on your relationship alone? Many couple counselors would probably say no, it isn’t, but they would probably encourage you to consider the alternatives. For example, you can choose to stay stuck in a relationship stalemate, but then each of you lose the potential benefits that can come from the work that you do – for example, a healthier and more supportive commitment in your relationship. Or you can let the relationship end.
But working alone may not be a realistic option if the situation is unbearable or abusive or if you’re completely mismatched. However, if there is a chance that your relationship can work, it might be well worth it for you to keep trying until you have tried using all of your ideas. Otherwise, you may regret ending your relationship too soon, and this would be unfair to you.
