It’s not uncommon to fall out of love with someone.
Even though you have been close for a long time, you may feel that now is the time to end the relationship.
The question then becomes, what’s the best way to go about it?
Even if you feel that you’re no longer in love, you probably still care for your partner to a degree, and you want to break up on as best of terms as possible.
Here are some tips on how you can end your love relationship with grace, dignity, and compassion.
1. Talk with Your Partner Face to Face
If you feel safe doing so, talking to your partner face-to-face about how you feel is very important.
At the same time, though, it can be very hard. That’s to be expected. After all, ending a relationship, especially one where partners have been together for a while, is never easy.
That’s why you owe it to your partner to do it in person, rather than over the phone, messenger, or even text message (yes, it happens!).
2. Prepare for It
Before you have this difficult conversation, take the time to organize your thoughts. Write down some notes, or an outline, for why you are making this decision.
You don’t have to read directly from it when the time comes. Although, it can be helpful as a guide in the moment.
Also, don’t focus on the negative reasons why you are ending the relationship. Let your partner know all of the positive things that you think in connection with them and how much you have appreciated their presence.
3. Make it About Yourself
Don’t blame your partner for the relationship ending. Instead, make it about yourself and give your reasons why.
Putting all of the blame on your partner for the relationship ending isn’t fair, as they are not the one deciding to call it quits. It’s certainly not a way to show grace, dignity, and compassion. In fact, it will guarantee to drive a wedge between you and your ex-partner, only creating an emotional wound.
Instead, own your decision and the choice you are making.
4. Listen to Your Partner
After you expressed yourself, listen to your partner and be open to acknowledging their feelings.
Note that listening to them is different than allowing yourself to be convinced by your partner to stay. If you are going to make this decision to leave, be committed to it.
However, you can still be compassionate by listening to and validating their emotions.
5. Be Aware of Your Timing and Place
When you have this discussion make sure it’s the appropriate time and place.
For example, a time and place that would be inappropriate is when you’re both in the car driving. Some raw emotions are going to come to the surface, and with either of you behind the wheel would definitely not be the right time for this to happen.
Instead, choose a time and place both of you can be alone and free from distraction. This is a conversation that requires your full attention.
6. Remember to Breathe
As you are talking, you may notice that your pace speeds up and your words become more rapid. The same might happen to your partner. That’s why it’s important that you both remember to breathe.
Take in long deep breathes so stay present and avoid getting caught up in what’s happening. Breathing will help you stay calm and in control.
7. Take as Long as Necessary
Don’t rush your conversation. This isn’t something that can be done in five minutes.
Rather, it will take time to process. Perhaps longer than is possible through just one discussion. Be willing to accept this, while at the same time remain firm in your decision.
Ending a love relationship is never easy, especially when you do care about your partner. However, it is possible to end a relationship that honors both, your desires and the dignity of your partner, at the same time. Speaking with a professional therapist can help you prepare for this and for the aftermath,
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