Have you ever wondered…?
- Why do my relationships always end the same way?
- Why is it that my life never gets any better?
- Why can’t I commit to a relationship?
Has your partner complained about any of the following…?
- You are not emotionally available!
- You do not hear me!
- You’re not the man I married!
- If you loved me you would know what I want!
Any of these sound familiar? Most men have heard these complaints from their partner and most have been frustrated by such remarks. They wonder why they keep hearing the same complaints and why life never improves. In my own case, before I began my own individual counseling, questions like these left me confused and frustrated.
What got you to the point of reading this website or thinking about counseling is your own story. Maybe your partner has threatened to leave unless you become more emotionally available or unless you start to hear what she or he says. Or, others have said you need to deal with your anger or your road rage.
Perhaps your work performance is getting worse or your coworkers complain about your lack of cooperation. Perhaps you have had a series of unsuccessful dating relationships. Maybe you’re sober and don’t want to relapse or maybe you hate yourself for drinking the way you do and you want to know what drives you to drink this way.
Perhaps you have gambled away your savings. Perhaps you’re finally recognizing you play a part what goes wrong in your life. Perhaps you are simply fed up with feeling the way you do.
Therapy can help you understand why you feel stuck in life and why you react a certain way at particular times. You’ll gain insight into how you approach life and relationships, such as when you use outdated and ineffective patterns without knowing it. You’ll learn why this can happen in your closest relationships and you’ll learn how to stop.
Whether you’re in individual counseling or couples therapy you’ll begin using an approach similar to on-the-job training. (This approach was discussed in the previous blogpost.) I’ve nicknamed therapy for men as bridge-building because you’ll be connecting with parts of your inner self you may not be aware of; parts that have always been available to help you.
As little boys we may have felt some fear while learning to swim or ride a bicycle but we did it anyway. What we wanted to learn demanded this. Even later in life, it’s natural to feel nervous when learning something new but nervousness soon gives way to confidence, and new habits become second nature.
Because working on self-improvement and “relating” may be new to you, you may feel awkward with these topics when you begin therapy. This is normal, especially if this is your first experience with self-improvement. But the pay-off for doing this work is worthwhile-a life of more contentment, peace, fun and better relationships.
This article is based on my book “Building Better Relationships – A Guidebook for Men”. Please call me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions or to schedule an appointment.