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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; marriage</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>Procrastination Hurts Relationships</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/procrastination-hurts-relationships-2/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/procrastination-hurts-relationships-2/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 May 2020 03:14:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[quarantine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4385</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Almost every relationship has been affected by procrastination at one time or another–when one or both partners put responsibilities off to another day or time, only to endlessly delay completing the task at hand. For some people it is a persistent problem, while for others it happens only in certain areas of their lives such as their relationship. It can cause suffering in a committed relationship, when one partner delays or avoids keeping promises or agreements, putting the relationship at risk. And relationships outside the home also requiring teamwork such as friendships; at work and in the community, can suffer. Being unreliable can jeopardize one’s personal reputation, making a partner, friend or coworker lose trust in the procrastinator. There are better ways of dealing with the demands of our everyday lives with needs of our partner, friends and coworkers, once we accept that we are a procrastinator and make a commitment to change. There is a relationship between anxiety and procrastination. It is no surprise that people who fear failure have the problem, as well as people with low self-esteem.  People who are easily frustrated or need instant gratification or cannot concentrate all have difficulty completing tasks. Those who have conflicts with authority figures and are rebellious are inclined to procrastinate. Procrastinators make excuses. When we procrastinate, we are neither carrying out things that need to be done nor are we confronting the underlying reasons for our procrastination. So, what do we tell ourselves to justify our behavior? We may use any of several excuses – and here are some common ones: Getting Bogged Down in Trivia We spend our time on easy tasks and say that we are so busy that we cannot get to the major project. We might answer phone calls, read e-mails, clean the living room, have lunch – anything that we find simple and are emotionally prepared to do – rather than facing the task that we really have to do. We tell ourselves that we simply had to clear up these trivial tasks before tackling our project and there was no time left. Thus, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Sometimes Love Is Not Enough</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/sometimes-love-is-not-enough/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/sometimes-love-is-not-enough/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Mar 2020 00:54:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4349</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes skills that many of us haven&#8217;t learned. We don&#8217;t know how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection, but we can learn. Substantial research over the past several decades has focused on understanding the secrets of why some couples stay together and others don&#8217;t. For instance, John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington, studied over 2,000 couples, and has had remarkable success in predicting which couples will make it and which will not. One of Gottman’s major findings is that couples who fight are not necessarily on the road to a breakup. In fact, he makes the point that arguments may be constructive in building a long-term relationship because they help us to clarify our needs and increase mutual respect between partners. Other finding showed that increased sex does not necessarily improve a relationship, and that financial problems do not always imply trouble for a couple. But whether the arguments will lead to a breakup or not depends on how the couple resolves its conflicts. There are positive ways to resolve conflicts that may strengthen the relationship. This research also showed that couples are likely to succeed if they have a healthy balance between positive and negative emotions and interactions. Strong relationships have a five to one ratio – five parts positive interaction to one part negative. Couples who break up, on the other hand, tend to have more negative than positive interactions. Positive Behaviors in a Relationship Showing interest in what your partner is saying, Expressing affection to your partner both verbally (“I love you”) and non-verbally (holding hands, doing kind little things), Showing you care – perhaps by making a phone call during the day or bringing [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>No Secrets &#8230; Telling the Truth in Our Relationships</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/no-secrets-telling-the-truth-in-our-relationships/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/no-secrets-telling-the-truth-in-our-relationships/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Apr 2019 22:40:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[falling in love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[finding happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4299</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; When we commit ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly expect to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn’t have before. Humans, as social beings, seem to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction often serves as the motivator for making initial contact with the other person, and this is usually replaced over time with a deeper sense of commitment and intimacy. It comes as a terrible disappointment to some people when the sexual phase of their relationship fails to lead in time to something deeper. The task, then, is to understand the forces which block the development of a deeper sense of intimacy – and to do something about it. Fortunately, with some work – and it’s often hard work – couples can learn to move into the stage of deeper sharing and more fulfillment in their relationships. From Excitement to Reality The excitement which comes with entering a new relationship touches us at the core of our being. It influences our thinking, our emotions, and our physical bodies. In some sense it feels like a dream come true. We feel that, finally, the hard years of experiencing the world alone have come to an end. The thing that we have longed for has been achieved. We now have a partner, someone who can share, understand, and appreciate our most private experiences. The world suddenly seems like a happier and more secure place. The beginning stages of a relationship can bring a precious sense of connection – but when that phone call doesn’t come, when a plan goes awry, when the wrong words are spoken, the emotional high can turn swiftly into a feeling of devastation. Being in love can have its down side. Over time the physical stage of the relationship is typically replaced by a period of getting to know more about other aspects of our partner’s personality. Some of these characteristics are endearing to us – and others irritate us. We learn how our partner attends to the demands of everyday life, and we learn that he or she [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Losing Your Relationship  &#8211; Aftermath of Divorce</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/losing-your-relationship-understanding-the-after-effects/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/losing-your-relationship-understanding-the-after-effects/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2019 02:31:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GRIEF & LOSS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marraige counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4239</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Most divorcing people are forced to come to terms with a number of fears. What will people say? Who can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner&#8217;s anger toward me? How do I deal with my own anger? Am I a complete failure? How can I be a single parent? Will I be able to keep my children? What about money? Can I do the banking and buy groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable? Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the energy for this much change? When we hold on to our fears and refuse to do anything about them, we increase the likelihood that these will be the very areas where we experience trouble. Loneliness The loneliness one experiences at the time of divorce can feel immeasurable. The finality of the marriage, the uncertainty about the future, and the knowledge that your partner will no longer be there to comfort you or to spend time with you, can all contribute to an empty feeling that will not go away. The clue is to change loneliness to aloneness, to change the emptiness to a feeling of peace, contentment, and fulfillment. Looking into oneself and liking what one sees is a key to making the shift to aloneness. (Get into being alone. It is a precious but tenuous gift that can disappear far too quickly from one&#8217;s life.) Friendship Divorce is a true test of just who your real friends are. It is important to draw on the emotional support of friends during a divorce. Unfortunately, many of your friends were those who knew you as a couple and they often must choose between you. Even those who try to stay neutral find it difficult. Many may feel that your divorce somehow threatens their own marriages and some friends may now find it difficult to relate to you as a single person. Not only that, but you may find it difficult to trust others during a divorce. Getting out, feeling free, and [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>(6) Ways to Increase Intimacy and Escape the &#8216;Roommate&#8217; Syndrome</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/6-ways-to-increase-intimacy-and-escape-the-roommate-syndrome/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/6-ways-to-increase-intimacy-and-escape-the-roommate-syndrome/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Jul 2018 21:23:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[finding happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[intimacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4148</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Have you felt like you and your partner are more like roommates than intimate companions? Watching Netflix in your sweatpants while your partner plays a game on their cell phone sounds like a hot date, right? Not exactly. There is not a lot about that scenario radiating romance. What it does portray is a mutual level of extreme comfort you and your partner have embraced. Of course, nothing is wrong with feeling comfortable around your partner. Actually, you want to be comfortable with each other. But you also want to nurture the intimate connection you have and acting like roommates simply doesn’t do that. If you feel stuck in the ‘roommate rut’, try these suggestions: 1. Get in the Right Frame of Mind The roommate rut starts in your mind. To dig your way out of the rut, you first have to change the way you think about your relationship. To begin, stop thinking you’ve “arrived” in your relationship. No relationship ever arrives. But it can grow and move in new and exciting directions. There are always more adventures to be had and plenty more chapters to be written. Adopt a mindset that forces you to think of your partner differently. For instance, explore and learn more about them on a deeper level – their dreams, personal goals and struggles, fantasies, and wishes. And really listen to what they say.  One way to make your partner feel like they matter to you is to occasionally repeat back what you heard them saying to make sure you understood them. 2. Connect When You&#8217;re Apart Keeping a relationship healthy includes maintaining the connection while things are good between you and when they&#8217;re not. So, make a point to reach out to your partner during the course of the day. Instead of text messaging, it&#8217;s better to call if you can. A ten second phone call and hearing the sound of each other’s voice is sometimes all that it takes for partners feel cared about, even they&#8217;re fighting. If they can&#8217;t answer leave a message that you were thinking of them. Either way, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>How to Communicate When You&#8217;re Angry &#8211; (6) Helpful Guidelines</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-communicate-when-youre-angry-6-helpful-guidelines/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-communicate-when-youre-angry-6-helpful-guidelines/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 23 May 2018 18:56:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[arguments]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[constructive fighting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4078</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[All couples argue. This is normal and an expected part of close relationships. How we conduct ourselves and how we respond to our partner can either enhance the relationship or put it at risk. Consider these guidelines for having constructive arguments with your partner: 1. It is better to be happy together than to be right. Blaming each other and trying to change the other person&#8217;s opinion are both counterproductive. When we assume that one person is right and the other person is wrong, we put the other person who was “wrong” on the defensive. Get out of this right vs. wrong framework together. Accept the fact that you simply see the issue differently. 2. Become aware of your impact on your partner. Arguments start when we say something without realizing how our partner will take it. Your partner may blame you for starting an argument when that is the last thing you had in mind. The goal of relationship therapy is to uncover what people mean when they say things – and what it means when they hear certain things. 3. You can&#8217;t change the past. Although you may feel hurt by something that happened in the past, the only effective option you have is working for better circumstances in the present and in the future. Of course, you may want to talk about things which have bothered you in the past, but holding a grudge usually interferes with the productive resolution of current problems – those things which you can do something about it. Work on one current problem at a time, not a list of things from the past. Discuss the problem as soon as possible and while it is relevant. 4. State your needs as specific request for positive behavior change. It is not helpful to criticize the person&#8217;s character – this simply puts your partner into a defensive stance. Labeling a person with words like “crazy” or “immature” or “slob” does not solve the specific problem you need to address, and it ensures that you will not be heard. These words are only meant to [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>From Single Life to Stepparent: 5 Tips to Help You Adjust</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/from-single-life-to-stepparent-5-tips-to-help-you-adjust/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/from-single-life-to-stepparent-5-tips-to-help-you-adjust/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Mar 2018 22:56:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stepchildren]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stepdad]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stepkids]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stepmom]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stepparent]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3977</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Marrying the love of your life is always exciting. And while it’s very possible to achieve happiness, giving up your single life is a huge adjustment. Becoming a stepparent at the same time can make the challenges even greater. Consider these 5 tips to help you adjust. 1. Don’t Assume You Know How to Stepparent While you may be eager to assume a parenting role, keep in mind that you’ve remained single up to this point and you probably know very little about day-to-day demands that most children make on parents. Although you may have spent nights or weekends together, everyone in the home still has to adjust once you move in, and this change probably won’t happen overnight. It will take time for the children and your spouse to adjust to seeing you there every day and adjusting  to your new stepparent role. Even though you’ve already spent time with the children, once you move in each one will require different parenting approaches and each may want their own unique relationship with you. Boys and girls have different emotional, relational and psychological needs and this varies depending on their age. Depending on their age, it&#8217;s normal for stepchildren to expect you to understand what they need and to provide it. You can help them (and yourself) realize that this will take time. 2. Be Consistent with Your Partner on House Rules As it is with most parents, it’s important that you and your spouse agree on house rules and how these will be enforced. It helps if both of you, together, meet with the children and make sure everyone understands boundaries and consequences. Your spouse needs to clarify to the kids when you have full authority to set limits and when you can discipline them.  Children have a unique talent of trying to ‘split’ parents, and clarifying rules and boundaries up front can help prevent this. For example, let’s say your spouse isn’t home and the house rule is lights are out by 10 PM. The kids may try complaining that the other parent let them stay up later. [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>The Positive Impact of Premarital Counseling – 7 Ways Your Relationship Can Benefit</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/the-positive-impact-of-premarital-counseling-7-ways-your-relationship-can-benefit/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/the-positive-impact-of-premarital-counseling-7-ways-your-relationship-can-benefit/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Mar 2018 01:38:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FINANCES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[couples counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[money]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[premarital counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wedding plans]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3957</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Many couples consider premarital counseling as something for those who really don’t know what they want out of a marriage. Yet, that is far from the truth. In reality, premarital counseling should be a prerequisite for any couple looking to get married. How can it benefit and strengthen your relationship? #1: Refining Communication Skills Knowing how to communicate effectively is a never-ending challenge in most aspects of life. Even for people who are already experienced communicators, marriage poses its unique communication challenges. Some potential problem areas include: Listening Skills: While your partner can repeat what you just said, you still don’t feel that they heard you. Can you openly discuss your ideas, thoughts and feelings without being criticized? Do you have effective conflict resolution skills? Do you keep fighting about the same thing? Do you fight fair? What topics do you agree on and what do you fight about? Do you expect your partner to know what you’re thinking or feeling? (aka ‘mind-reading’) #2: Aligning Your Outlooks on Life Premarital counseling helps partners determine if their overall goals and outlooks on marriage are, in general, compatible and if not, is change feasible? Things to consider include: Lifestyle differences: Talk together about this example: One partner is energetic, socially active and fantasizes about running for public office. The other partner is more introverted and prefers a much quieter lifestyle. Could this couple be happy together? Are you both willing to accommodate the other’s points of view? What will happen if she or he cannot change? Who has more influence now and does this need to change after marriage? How are decisions made? Do you enjoy some of the same activities? If not, are you willing to try to participate in what your partner enjoys? Are both of you content with the amount of time you have to relax? Are you free to spend some time apart and enjoy your own friends and hobbies? Is your partner responsible for your happiness, and if so, how will he or she do that? The dating process helps with sorting out some of these issues. [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Toxic Communication Patterns</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/toxic-communication-patterns/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/toxic-communication-patterns/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 Feb 2017 02:40:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dirty fighting in relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[supportive communication]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3793</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Dirty fighting can weaken and ultimately break a relationship in the same way that rust weakens a piece of metal. Dirty fighting breaks the bonds of intimacy and causes cracks in the foundation of the relationship. These cracks spread and just like rusty metal eventually breaks apart, at some point the relationship collapses. Both of you ultimately suffer. Here are some toxic communication patterns to avoid: Timing You try to catch your partner off guard. You look for a time when your partner is least able to respond or least expects an argument, for example you call them at work and start an argument. Escalation You quickly move from the main argument to questioning your partner’s personality and then move on to wondering if the relationship is worth it. Overwhelm Instead of sticking with the original issues you bring up as many issues as possible in great detail. You try to overwhelm the other person so that they can’t argue effectively. Exaggerate You draw the worst possible conclusions regarding the relationship. The issue gets blown out of proportion and you talk about catastrophes. Question You treat your partner like a child, making them feel like they are incapable of an adult relationship. “Why can’t you just love me like he loves her?” Complain When your partner complains, you respond with a complaint of your own instead of addressing the issues. “So what if I forgot to make the bed. What about all the times you haven’t helped me clean?” Over-Generalize Instead of focusing on the issue at hand, you use words like “never” and “always” and try to force your partner to defend themselves. “You never do anything in the relationship.” Blame You take the position of &#8216;victim&#8217;. You don’t admit to your part in the conflict and refuse to change. “It’s always your fault. If our relationship is going to improve you have to change – not me.” Mind Reading You become the expert on what your partner is thinking or feeling. “You’re not really angry.” This way you avoid talking about your partner’s anger or taking responsibility for [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Finding Intimacy</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/finding-intimacy/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/finding-intimacy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 Dec 2016 23:28:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3643</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Many people search for that special intimacy in their relationship. Some of us search our entire lives for a feeling of oneness with another person. It’s hard to describe, really, what we search for, but we know it when we finally achieve it. Maybe we tire of that dark feeling of being alone as we struggle through life. If only there were someone else here, we say to ourselves, who could understand and share these burdens. Then it wouldn’t be so lonely. It wouldn’t be so hard. Or perhaps, in our more positive moments, we want to share not just the burdens but our pleasures too, our strength and beauty. We want the powerful impact of our internal experience to have an impression on someone else, as if to say that we count, we are whole, and we want to impart this feeling to another person. Humans are social beings. Is that why we search for intimacy with others? Is the quest for intimacy the reason we commit ourselves to another person in marriage or some other public declaration of loyalty? In trying to find intimacy, are we simply searching again for the ultimate feeling of bonding that we felt toward a parent during our infancy? The search for intimacy may be one reason we form social groups, and it may explain why we quest for spiritual fulfillment in our lives. Many people in contemporary society feel lonely. For all the benefits we derive from living in a highly technological world, with seemingly instant and complete communication with others, we still may find it difficult to discover ways to form intimate relationships. In fact, our high tech society seems to fragment our social connections, to drive us away from other people. For example, texting seems to make connecting with other people much easier, but in truth our messages are usually just flashes of ideas – briefly written, briefly read, and instantaneously deleted – and they barely fulfill our desire for more complete relationships. Our high tech world has brought us an abundance of stress. We’re conditioned to expect immediate responses [&#8230;]]]></description>
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