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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; marraige</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>How to Find the Right Partner</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-find-the-right-partner/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-find-the-right-partner/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 09 Jan 2017 23:42:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marraige]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Although some people prefer to remain single throughout their lives, most people strive to connect with and live in partnership with one special person. There are many obvious advantages to finding a relationship partner – physical, economic, social – but there is another significant advantage in that working through the ups and downs of a relationship allows us to come to terms with many of our own personal issues. In fact, these personal issues may make or break a relationship, depending on whether we choose to work on them. If you are single now, you can use this time to learn more about yourself and what makes relationships work. There is evidence that the families we come from (our families of origin) have a profound influence on how we will behave in the relationships we create for ourselves in adulthood. How many times have you heard the phrase, “You are acting just like your father (mother).” Or, “I can’t believe that I am saying the same things my mother (father) said.” Sometimes we find ourselves acting toward a current relationship partner in the same way we acted toward a previous partner, as if there were a repetitive pattern in play. And if we look closely enough, we might discover that we have the same pattern of difficulty in every one of our relationships, as if we keep making the same mistakes over and over again. According to one school of thought, we all had imperfect parents or caregivers as we grew up, and the experiences we had as children left a lasting impression on us. We all went through stages of development in childhood. Sometimes our parents were there for us as we progressed through a developmental stage – and sometimes they were not (and this could be due to many reasons, like a parent having his or her own personal difficulties at the time, or the birth of another child). If we have difficulty at one particular stage of development, then we have a gap in our personalities that could follow us into adulthood unless we recognize and attend [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>How to Self-Soothe During a Fight</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-self-soothe-during-a-fight/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-self-soothe-during-a-fight/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 29 Nov 2016 01:45:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conlict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marraige]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[When we blame our partners for our discomfort, this tends to create distance within an emotionally committed relationship. This distance, then, creates a feeling of further discomfort. The clue to dealing with this dilemma is to learn how to soothe your own emotional pain. This can open the way to more passion and closeness in your relationship. In his book “Passionate Marriage” David Schnarch, Ph. D offers several suggestions for helping people learn the art of self-soothing. Don’t take your partner’s behavior personally. Even if your partner doesn’t make all the changes that you’ve made, it should not be taken personally. If you and your partner are having a conflict, try some inwardly focused relaxation techniques. Focus on your breathing. Stop talking and try to slow your heart rate. Lower the volume of your speech and work on relaxing your body. Put the current conflict into perspective. Think about past instances of the same type of conflict. What resources did you use in the past for dealing with the conflict? Think about how discomfort will surface again in the future – and if you learn now how to deal with it, you will be better off in these future instances. Control your behavior, even if you can’t regulate your emotions. While we may have difficulty in controlling our emotions, especially in the face of a conflict, we can have control over our behavior. Prevent yourself from saying and doing things that you will regret later. For example, tell yourself: “I don’t have to take action on my feelings.” Stop the negative thinking. Our thoughts can drive our feelings and behavior during conflict. When you find yourself engaged in negative thinking, make the change to more positive thoughts. Accept what is happening and then calm down. You may have to break contact temporarily with your partner until things cool down. When you are engaged in a conflict, you may need some time to get in touch with yourself again. Look on this as a time-out, not a separation. Tell your partner that you need some time alone to calm down and [&#8230;]]]></description>
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