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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; love</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>Sometimes Love Is Not Enough</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/sometimes-love-is-not-enough/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/sometimes-love-is-not-enough/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Mar 2020 00:54:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4349</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes skills that many of us haven&#8217;t learned. We don&#8217;t know how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection, but we can learn. Substantial research over the past several decades has focused on understanding the secrets of why some couples stay together and others don&#8217;t. For instance, John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington, studied over 2,000 couples, and has had remarkable success in predicting which couples will make it and which will not. One of Gottman’s major findings is that couples who fight are not necessarily on the road to a breakup. In fact, he makes the point that arguments may be constructive in building a long-term relationship because they help us to clarify our needs and increase mutual respect between partners. Other finding showed that increased sex does not necessarily improve a relationship, and that financial problems do not always imply trouble for a couple. But whether the arguments will lead to a breakup or not depends on how the couple resolves its conflicts. There are positive ways to resolve conflicts that may strengthen the relationship. This research also showed that couples are likely to succeed if they have a healthy balance between positive and negative emotions and interactions. Strong relationships have a five to one ratio – five parts positive interaction to one part negative. Couples who break up, on the other hand, tend to have more negative than positive interactions. Positive Behaviors in a Relationship Showing interest in what your partner is saying, Expressing affection to your partner both verbally (“I love you”) and non-verbally (holding hands, doing kind little things), Showing you care – perhaps by making a phone call during the day or bringing [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Distortions in Your Body Image</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/distortions-in-your-body-image/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/distortions-in-your-body-image/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Jun 2019 00:08:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BODY IMAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[body image]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[diet]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dieting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[intimacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weight loss]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4311</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“What disturbs people’s minds is not events, but their judgments on events.” – Epictetus In China, parents once bound the feet of their daughters in pursuit of beauty. In parts of Africa, both men and women elongate their earlobes and decorate their skin with minerals to look attractive, and this trend may be found in the United States now. At one time in this society, we found plump, rotund people to be the epitome of beauty. Old movies show us that the Tarzans and Supermen of past decades would hardly pass muster in today’s gyms. Today we define beauty as a thin, youthful, and muscular look. Today we go under the knife and on extreme diets to achieve a socially acceptable appearance – not to mention tattoos and body piercing – all practices that are similar to the early Chinese custom of binding feet. Although changes are taking place, strong social standards have dictated, especially through the media, how we should look – and if our own bodies deviate from these expectations, which is the case for almost all of us, we can feel inferior and ashamed. We hide. We cover up. We don’t like an important part of our selves. We feel depressed. We feel anxious in front of other people. We feel powerless – and we are apologetic when we show the world who we are. Body image refers to your personal relationship with your body. This includes all of the beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and perceptions you have about your body. It does not refer to what your body actually looks like. Our body is one of many aspects of who we are, but for many of us it is the dominating source of our sense of self. If we compare ourselves to what we are supposed to look like, we come up short and this brings up negative feelings about who we are. We forget that our inner or essential self has many wonderful attributes. We do not have to harbor negative feelings about ourselves because our external appearance may not conform to current social norms. [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>7 Tips for Ending a Love Relationship with Grace, Dignity and Compassion</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/7-tips-for-ending-a-love-relationship-with-grace-dignity-and-compassion/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/7-tips-for-ending-a-love-relationship-with-grace-dignity-and-compassion/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 22 Sep 2018 20:25:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ending a relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4184</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It’s not uncommon to fall out of love with someone. Even though you have been close for a long time, you may feel that now is the time to end the relationship. The question then becomes, what’s the best way to go about it? Even if you feel that you’re no longer in love, you probably still care for your partner to a degree, and you want to break up on as best of terms as possible. Here are some tips on how you can end your love relationship with grace, dignity, and compassion. 1. Talk with Your Partner Face to Face If you feel safe doing so, talking to your partner face-to-face about how you feel is very important. At the same time, though, it can be very hard. That’s to be expected. After all, ending a relationship, especially one where partners have been together for a while, is never easy. That’s why you owe it to your partner to do it in person, rather than over the phone, messenger, or even text message (yes, it happens!). 2. Prepare for It Before you have this difficult conversation, take the time to organize your thoughts. Write down some notes, or an outline, for why you are making this decision. You don’t have to read directly from it when the time comes. Although, it can be helpful as a guide in the moment. Also, don’t focus on the negative reasons why you are ending the relationship. Let your partner know all of the positive things that you think in connection with them and how much you have appreciated their presence. 3. Make it About Yourself Don’t blame your partner for the relationship ending. Instead, make it about yourself and give your reasons why. Putting all of the blame on your partner for the relationship ending isn’t fair, as they are not the one deciding to call it quits. It’s certainly not a way to show grace, dignity, and compassion. In fact, it will guarantee to drive a wedge between you and your ex-partner, only creating an emotional wound. Instead, own your [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>How Does It Feel To Fall In Love?</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-does-it-feel-to-fall-in-love/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-does-it-feel-to-fall-in-love/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Jan 2017 19:09:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[falling in love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love at first sight]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3746</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Numerous researchers have examined the phenomenon of being in love. This refers to the stage of feeling whole and complete once we have found someone who matches the image we carry around with us of the person we have been searching for – that is, someone who has the positive and negative qualities of an imperfect parent from our childhood. The experience of being in love happens when two people first meet, when the holes in our lives are filled with each other’s positive qualities. This is followed eventually by a power struggle when the partner’s negative qualities begin to emerge. One theory says that “romantic love is supposed to end.” Once the power struggle is resolved, a more mature, committed love can begin. The first quality of being in love is recognition. This is the strange feeling of familiarity with someone we have just met. “I feel as if I’ve known you my whole life.” The qualities of the person we are attracted tap into our needs from childhood – and, in a sense, we have held this image in our minds since childhood. When we find a person with these qualities, we do feel as if we have known this person forever. Next is timelessness. “Even though we just met, I can’t remember when I didn’t know you.” Lovers can spend hours with each other, embracing and drawing on the feeling of being alive with that person, so that time seems to vanish. The cocoon of love becomes everything. Third is reunification. Lovers find the parts of themselves that are missing through the other person. “I no longer feel alone. When I’m with you I feel complete and connected to things. I feel at one with the world.” In truth, they have found through each other what was missing in themselves. Last is a feeling of necessity. We come to feel that we need the other person. “I can’t imagine what it would be like without you. I don’t think I could live without you.” You feel safe with your partner, and, for perhaps the first time, you [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>How to Find the Right Partner</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-find-the-right-partner/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-find-the-right-partner/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 09 Jan 2017 23:42:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marraige]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3678</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Although some people prefer to remain single throughout their lives, most people strive to connect with and live in partnership with one special person. There are many obvious advantages to finding a relationship partner – physical, economic, social – but there is another significant advantage in that working through the ups and downs of a relationship allows us to come to terms with many of our own personal issues. In fact, these personal issues may make or break a relationship, depending on whether we choose to work on them. If you are single now, you can use this time to learn more about yourself and what makes relationships work. There is evidence that the families we come from (our families of origin) have a profound influence on how we will behave in the relationships we create for ourselves in adulthood. How many times have you heard the phrase, “You are acting just like your father (mother).” Or, “I can’t believe that I am saying the same things my mother (father) said.” Sometimes we find ourselves acting toward a current relationship partner in the same way we acted toward a previous partner, as if there were a repetitive pattern in play. And if we look closely enough, we might discover that we have the same pattern of difficulty in every one of our relationships, as if we keep making the same mistakes over and over again. According to one school of thought, we all had imperfect parents or caregivers as we grew up, and the experiences we had as children left a lasting impression on us. We all went through stages of development in childhood. Sometimes our parents were there for us as we progressed through a developmental stage – and sometimes they were not (and this could be due to many reasons, like a parent having his or her own personal difficulties at the time, or the birth of another child). If we have difficulty at one particular stage of development, then we have a gap in our personalities that could follow us into adulthood unless we recognize and attend [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Finding Intimacy</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/finding-intimacy/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/finding-intimacy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 Dec 2016 23:28:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3643</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Many people search for that special intimacy in their relationship. Some of us search our entire lives for a feeling of oneness with another person. It’s hard to describe, really, what we search for, but we know it when we finally achieve it. Maybe we tire of that dark feeling of being alone as we struggle through life. If only there were someone else here, we say to ourselves, who could understand and share these burdens. Then it wouldn’t be so lonely. It wouldn’t be so hard. Or perhaps, in our more positive moments, we want to share not just the burdens but our pleasures too, our strength and beauty. We want the powerful impact of our internal experience to have an impression on someone else, as if to say that we count, we are whole, and we want to impart this feeling to another person. Humans are social beings. Is that why we search for intimacy with others? Is the quest for intimacy the reason we commit ourselves to another person in marriage or some other public declaration of loyalty? In trying to find intimacy, are we simply searching again for the ultimate feeling of bonding that we felt toward a parent during our infancy? The search for intimacy may be one reason we form social groups, and it may explain why we quest for spiritual fulfillment in our lives. Many people in contemporary society feel lonely. For all the benefits we derive from living in a highly technological world, with seemingly instant and complete communication with others, we still may find it difficult to discover ways to form intimate relationships. In fact, our high tech society seems to fragment our social connections, to drive us away from other people. For example, texting seems to make connecting with other people much easier, but in truth our messages are usually just flashes of ideas – briefly written, briefly read, and instantaneously deleted – and they barely fulfill our desire for more complete relationships. Our high tech world has brought us an abundance of stress. We’re conditioned to expect immediate responses [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Working Alone on Your Relationship</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/working-alone-on-my-relationship/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/working-alone-on-my-relationship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Oct 2016 23:29:51 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Porn]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[together but alone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[working alone]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3340</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Is it fair that you have to work on your relationship alone? Many couple counselors would probably say no, it isn&#8217;t, but they would probably encourage you to consider the alternatives. For example, you can choose to stay stuck in a relationship stalemate, but then each of you lose the potential benefits that can come from the work that you do – for example, a healthier and more supportive commitment in your relationship. Or you can let the relationship end. But working alone may not be a realistic option if the situation is unbearable or abusive or if you’re completely mismatched. However, if there is a chance that your relationship can work, it might be well worth it for you to keep trying until you have tried using all of your ideas. Otherwise, you may regret ending your relationship too soon, and this would be unfair to you. When thinking about fairness in your relationship, remember that many things in life are not fair. Illness, financial setbacks, divorce, and the loss of a loved one happen to the best of people. And even if you and your partner put equal effort into your relationship there is no guarantee that your problems would be resolved. Still, like many others working alone in difficult circumstances, you keep trying, because this is what many people do – to persist when faced with personal struggles. If, for whatever reason, your partner lacks the ability to work with you to solve problems, you may have to accept this. It isn’t ideal but it’s your reality. Sometimes the strength and courage of one partner is needed to compensate for the shortcomings of another. The real test of fairness in this situation is questioning whether you are creating the best life you can for yourself. In all of our relationships we need to have a balance, not necessarily between two partners but a balance between our own needs and the needs of the relationship. The source of your personal happiness lies within you and comes from your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual strengths. Working on these strengths [&#8230;]]]></description>
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