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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; forgiveness</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>After You Cheated &#8211; (4) Keys to Coping with Your Partner&#8217;s Rage</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/after-you-cheated-4-keys-to-coping-with-your-partners-rage/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/after-you-cheated-4-keys-to-coping-with-your-partners-rage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Sep 2021 00:58:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[affair recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affairs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexual affairs]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4195</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You knew this was going to be hard. After all, when you cheat on the person you love, there is going to be consequences. And this would involve more than a simple argument or disagreement. Your actions have damaged the core of your relationship. What your partner thought was stable, and perhaps even flourishing, actually had an unstable inner core that led to betrayal. That’s exactly how your partner is going to feel—betrayed—aside from a host of other emotions. When they finally get to know the truth, they are going to be angry. And you can’t blame them. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may get, it’s important for you to know how to adequately cope with that anger so that both of you can move forward. Consider these (4) keys to help you deal with their rage. Key #1: Expect the Worst to Happen Before even going into the discussion, take a moment to step back and think. Imagine what your partner will be feeling and experiencing when they find out you cheated. Those emotions may include: Anger Disgust Sadness Fear Confusion Try to visualize how the conversation will occur, what their reaction will be, and how you will respond. Also consider in which way you want to tell them and how you will express it. Having a plan established will give you something to work with and not leave you floundering when things get tense. Key #2: Accept That They Have a Right to Their Emotions When your partner rages at you because you cheated, it can seem really startling. This is especially true if you are not used to them being angry. It might be tempting for you to try to calm them down or even say that they are being “ridiculous.” That, however, would be a mistake. Keep in mind that when someone discovers that their partner has cheated its shocking news. The person whom they thought they could trust is no longer trustworthy at all. This means that all the emotions that they are experiencing rise to the surface at once. It’s a lot to handle, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>No Secrets &#8230; Telling the Truth in Our Relationships</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/no-secrets-telling-the-truth-in-our-relationships/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/no-secrets-telling-the-truth-in-our-relationships/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Apr 2019 22:40:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[falling in love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[finding happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4299</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; When we commit ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly expect to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn’t have before. Humans, as social beings, seem to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction often serves as the motivator for making initial contact with the other person, and this is usually replaced over time with a deeper sense of commitment and intimacy. It comes as a terrible disappointment to some people when the sexual phase of their relationship fails to lead in time to something deeper. The task, then, is to understand the forces which block the development of a deeper sense of intimacy – and to do something about it. Fortunately, with some work – and it’s often hard work – couples can learn to move into the stage of deeper sharing and more fulfillment in their relationships. From Excitement to Reality The excitement which comes with entering a new relationship touches us at the core of our being. It influences our thinking, our emotions, and our physical bodies. In some sense it feels like a dream come true. We feel that, finally, the hard years of experiencing the world alone have come to an end. The thing that we have longed for has been achieved. We now have a partner, someone who can share, understand, and appreciate our most private experiences. The world suddenly seems like a happier and more secure place. The beginning stages of a relationship can bring a precious sense of connection – but when that phone call doesn’t come, when a plan goes awry, when the wrong words are spoken, the emotional high can turn swiftly into a feeling of devastation. Being in love can have its down side. Over time the physical stage of the relationship is typically replaced by a period of getting to know more about other aspects of our partner’s personality. Some of these characteristics are endearing to us – and others irritate us. We learn how our partner attends to the demands of everyday life, and we learn that he or she [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Why Self Care is So Important When Overcoming Addiction</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/why-self-care-is-so-important-when-overcoming-addiction/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/why-self-care-is-so-important-when-overcoming-addiction/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 24 Jul 2018 02:25:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ADDICTIONS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[addiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[overcoming addicition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[recovering from addiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self care]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4160</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Addiction is more than an annoyance or inconvenience. It sucks the life out of you and leaves you feeling drained. When trying to overcome an addiction this fact is even more exacerbated. That’s why self-care is so important for your recovery. Get Back to Basics When addiction has you in its grasps even the basics of self-care often get left behind. That’s because you are so focused on either being high or getting high. There’s just not much time left over to take care of yourself. For example, you may neglect such things as: Bathing and grooming Doing laundry Cleaning and maintaining your home If this sounds like you, it’s time to get back into a routine. Even something as basic as taking a shower and wash your hair thoroughly will be restorative. Do the basics you need to do in order to feel “normal” again. Make Sure You Get Enough Sleep For the addicted, sleep patterns get usually turned upside down. Your brain becomes hyper-focused on drugs or alcohol instead of sleep. Indeed, some drink just to be able to fall asleep at night. As part of your self-care routine create a sleep routine that includes: Going to bed at a reasonable hour consistently each night Setting the temperature in the bedroom at a level that is neither too hot or cold Removing any TV’s or other electronics from the bedroom Not checking your phone close to bedtime (in fact, just leave it outside the bedroom) Avoiding the use of caffeine or nicotine before bedtime Your body actually needs sleep in order to repair itself. If you are in recovery, this is especially important. Ensure You are Eating a Healthy Diet Nutrition is another important component of addiction recovery. Just like with sleep, your body needs to be able to repair itself from the damage caused by addiction. If you are putting junk food into your body, then it will have a harder time healing itself. Instead, make better food choices. For example, consider foods such as nutritious fruits, vegetables, proteins, and grains. Try cooking for yourself. Cooking is [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Relationship Restoration: How to Forgive and Reconcile After an Affair</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/relationship-restoration-how-to-forgive-and-reconcile-after-an-affair/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/relationship-restoration-how-to-forgive-and-reconcile-after-an-affair/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Jun 2018 00:36:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affairs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to save my relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4128</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Words that describe reconciliation include &#8216;repair&#8217;, &#8216;heal&#8217;, &#8216;fix&#8217; &#8216;rebuild&#8217; and &#8216;restore&#8217;. Sometimes these terms even have a place at the international level, when two or more countries in conflict can find reconciliation after a war. The same can be said for partners whose relationship has been rocked by an affair. “War” may seem to be a strong word to apply to this situation. But just as in war, infidelity involves people who have very different perspectives. Despite having ongoing differences and difficulty, it is possible for couples to find forgiveness and reconcile after an affair. Here&#8217;s how this can happen: Be Honest with Each Other First, regardless of who was unfaithful, be honest with yourself and your partner if you have decided to, or you are considering leaving the relationship. Assuming neither of you wants to end the relationship, mutual honesty is vital. If you are the one who cheated, you need to be honest with your partner about what happened. Along with disclosing everything (except for the &#8216;gory sexual details&#8217;) that happened between you and the outside person, you must answer your partner&#8217;s questions quickly and to their full satisfaction. Of course, this won&#8217;t be easy for you, but your discomfort is very minor compared to how your partner is feeling. Your partner is likely to be in tremendous pain and it would be normal for them to ask you the same questions over and over again, as though they can&#8217;t remember what you&#8217;ve already said. The fact is, if your partner was traumatized by the betrayal, they may not be capable of remembering. So your partner will need to hear you answer the same question again and again. If you were betrayed, you need to be honest and open about your thoughts and feelings. Avoid the mistake of tying to bury what&#8217;s on your mind because it will be harder to express it later, plus you may forget something important. Don&#8217;t worry about being annoying or a burden to your partner. Rather, you need to be frank about how the affair has affected you. Be assertive about expressing your thoughts [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Myths and Facts</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-myths-and-facts/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-myths-and-facts/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Apr 2018 22:31:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheater]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelitiy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[online affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unfaithful]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3990</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Clearly, whenever you’ve been cheated on, there are many feelings that arise. However, some of these emotions could be based on myths about those who cheat. And that can cause you to make decisions based on faulty information. If you are trying to cope with a partner’s infidelity, get the facts and reject the myths. Myth: “My partner cheated, which means they don’t love me anymore.” FACT: In reality, many people who cheat report that they did not cheat just because the relationship was bad. It is completely possible that despite your partner&#8217;s infidelity, they still feel very strongly toward you. In fact, their reasoning behind the affair may have had nothing to do with how they feel about you and much more about how they feel about themselves. Myth: “People who cheat once will cheat again.” FACT: That kind of thinking only sets up your partner to fail again. Yes, they made a mistake. But that doesn’t mean they are doomed to make it again. Everyone has the capacity to make decisions that affect their future. Your partner made a poor decision for your relationship by cheating. However, what they do afterward can mean a lot. You can see their attitude, for example, if: Your partner takes responsibility for their behavior and thee pain it&#8217;s caused. They sincerely apologize and asks for forgiveness. They have permanently cut all ties to the other person. Your partner wants to participate in therapy with you. They make an earnest and sincere effort to repair your relationship. Myth: “If I stay, our relationship will always be defined by the affair.” FACT: Certainly, the affair will have an immediate impact on the relationship. A major factor is trust. With any affair, the wounded partner will feel a loss of trust to the other. Yet, the cheating does not have to define the relationship in the long-term. If both of you want to make things right it will take a lot of work and commitment to change. For your partner, this means putting in a sincere effort to rebuild the lost trust. Of course, this [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Need Help Letting It Go? – 5 Ways You Can Forgive and Move On</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/need-help-letting-it-go-5-ways-you-can-forgive-and-move-on/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/need-help-letting-it-go-5-ways-you-can-forgive-and-move-on/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 19 Feb 2018 21:49:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[when to let go]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3934</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Forgiveness is an idea that many of us struggle with—some forgive too quickly, while others maintain grudges that drag them down. While everybody must choose to forgive on his or her own timeline, it’s crucial that we all establish a healthy relationship with the concept of forgiveness. These 5 tips will allow you to feel more comfortable and confident about your ability to forgive. Tip #1: Reframe Your Definition of Forgiveness Many people are under the wrong impression about what forgiveness entails. So that you’re clear, forgiveness is not: Saying you condone that person’s behavior Undermining the effect that action/behavior had on you Pretending nothing happened Continuing to include the person in your life – at all or to the same extent as before For anybody except yourself Forgiveness is: Allowing yourself the energy to focus on other things Not dwelling on the past incident Recognizing the hurt and moving forward Realizing you deserve happiness instead of harboring resentment Acknowledging the wrongdoings and growing from them Something you do for yourself because you deserve peace Tip #2: Seek to Understand the Other Person’s Viewpoint When somebody wrongs you, it can feel especially hurtful because that’s never something you would do to them. So, in order to truly forgive somebody, you need to take into consideration their situation. When you know their background, you might gather more information about why they acted the way they did. For example, maybe you’re harboring resentment towards your parents. It’s vital that you reflect on their past and upbringing. Consider that they are a product of their environment, just like you are a product of yours. This doesn’t excuse their actions, but it allows you to be more empathetic and understanding. Tip #3: Write a Letter That You Won’t Send You are entitled to feel every emotion in the book—sadness, anger, fury, disappointment, etc. But instead of letting these feelings fester, it’s helpful to express them. Writing a letter to the person who wronged you is a great way to get all of your negative emotions out of your head. When you write your letter, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>10 Steps to Forgiveness</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Nov 2016 05:37:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to let go of past hurts]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3585</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Understand fully that forgiveness does not mean that it is all right for the aggressive behavior to ever be repeated. Forgiveness is meant for past behavior that was unacceptable. Give up the unrealistic hope that the offender will apologize or answer your questions or be able to explain why he or she hurt you. Even if apologies or answers were forthcoming, they would not alleviate the pain. The offender&#8217;s views, and depth of insight, will differ from your own. Understand that the pain is all yours, not the other person’s. When we forgive, it is for the purpose of dealing with our own pain. Make up a list of the specific things that were done to you which you have decided to forgive. This means acknowledging and grieving the losses that have resulted from being hurt, and this may generate potent feelings of anger, sadness and fear. See if there were any positives about the relationship. In some cases there may not be anything positive – but if they do exist, acknowledging them could help you move toward a more compassionate view of the relationship. Write a letter to the offender. This is a letter that you will never send. Allow your feelings to flow onto paper. Write freely about your hurt and anger, but include any positive feelings you may have about the relationship. If it feels right to you, acknowledge that they were probably doing their best at the time or perhaps they had been strongly influenced by their upbringing. Regardless of whether or not you write a letter, you can use your imagination and have a dialogue with the offender. Try to talk out loud if you do this. If you have their picture, look at it while you talk. You can also imagine what they might say in response, and then you can reply to what you imagine they would say. It may be helpful to look at your reflection in the mirror while you have this dialogue. When you do this you are witnessing yourself letting go of your pain. An alternative to this is [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>How to Forgive</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-forgive/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-forgive/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Nov 2016 04:36:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[letting go of hurt feelings]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3574</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for note returning our phone call, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed us in a major way. The greatest hurts seem to come from those who play the most significant roles in our lives. The enormity of the hurt may lead us to conclude that we can never forgive the other person. However, to forgive or not forgive is one of our most important life choices. It is vital for our own emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice that has consequences. Consider this question – if the harm we have experienced leads us to a life dominated by unresolved anger and mistrust, are we not allowing the offender to continue to have power over us? When we lose sleep because of endless thoughts about old hurts, when we seethe with anger, when we keep asking questions that seem to have no answers, we continue to suffer the consequences of being hurt. Perhaps our goal should be to find a way to free ourselves from the damage and to reclaim our lives for ourselves. There are many ways of being hurt. Some are minor and some are more severe. In some cases we are the unwitting victim of those who hurt us. At other times we collude in allowing ourselves to suffer by building expectations that make us vulnerable or placing our trust in the wrong places. Whatever the nature of the damage done to us, it is a potential source of learning. We can allow the hurt to keep us down as we continue to play the role of the victim – or, alternatively, we can learn to overcome it, adapt to it, try to make sure that it never happens again, and, if it does occur again, learn to deal with it more effectively. Here are some ways that we can be hurt: Unmet expectations: We don’t always get what we want, and this is to be expected. When [&#8230;]]]></description>
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