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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; forgive</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>10 Steps to Forgiveness</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Nov 2016 05:37:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to let go of past hurts]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Understand fully that forgiveness does not mean that it is all right for the aggressive behavior to ever be repeated. Forgiveness is meant for past behavior that was unacceptable. Give up the unrealistic hope that the offender will apologize or answer your questions or be able to explain why he or she hurt you. Even if apologies or answers were forthcoming, they would not alleviate the pain. The offender&#8217;s views, and depth of insight, will differ from your own. Understand that the pain is all yours, not the other person’s. When we forgive, it is for the purpose of dealing with our own pain. Make up a list of the specific things that were done to you which you have decided to forgive. This means acknowledging and grieving the losses that have resulted from being hurt, and this may generate potent feelings of anger, sadness and fear. See if there were any positives about the relationship. In some cases there may not be anything positive – but if they do exist, acknowledging them could help you move toward a more compassionate view of the relationship. Write a letter to the offender. This is a letter that you will never send. Allow your feelings to flow onto paper. Write freely about your hurt and anger, but include any positive feelings you may have about the relationship. If it feels right to you, acknowledge that they were probably doing their best at the time or perhaps they had been strongly influenced by their upbringing. Regardless of whether or not you write a letter, you can use your imagination and have a dialogue with the offender. Try to talk out loud if you do this. If you have their picture, look at it while you talk. You can also imagine what they might say in response, and then you can reply to what you imagine they would say. It may be helpful to look at your reflection in the mirror while you have this dialogue. When you do this you are witnessing yourself letting go of your pain. An alternative to this is [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>How to Forgive</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-forgive/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-forgive/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Nov 2016 04:36:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[letting go of hurt feelings]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3574</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for note returning our phone call, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed us in a major way. The greatest hurts seem to come from those who play the most significant roles in our lives. The enormity of the hurt may lead us to conclude that we can never forgive the other person. However, to forgive or not forgive is one of our most important life choices. It is vital for our own emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice that has consequences. Consider this question – if the harm we have experienced leads us to a life dominated by unresolved anger and mistrust, are we not allowing the offender to continue to have power over us? When we lose sleep because of endless thoughts about old hurts, when we seethe with anger, when we keep asking questions that seem to have no answers, we continue to suffer the consequences of being hurt. Perhaps our goal should be to find a way to free ourselves from the damage and to reclaim our lives for ourselves. There are many ways of being hurt. Some are minor and some are more severe. In some cases we are the unwitting victim of those who hurt us. At other times we collude in allowing ourselves to suffer by building expectations that make us vulnerable or placing our trust in the wrong places. Whatever the nature of the damage done to us, it is a potential source of learning. We can allow the hurt to keep us down as we continue to play the role of the victim – or, alternatively, we can learn to overcome it, adapt to it, try to make sure that it never happens again, and, if it does occur again, learn to deal with it more effectively. Here are some ways that we can be hurt: Unmet expectations: We don’t always get what we want, and this is to be expected. When [&#8230;]]]></description>
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