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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; constructive fighting</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>How to Communicate When You&#8217;re Angry &#8211; (6) Helpful Guidelines</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-communicate-when-youre-angry-6-helpful-guidelines/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-communicate-when-youre-angry-6-helpful-guidelines/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 23 May 2018 18:56:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[arguments]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[constructive fighting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4078</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[All couples argue. This is normal and an expected part of close relationships. How we conduct ourselves and how we respond to our partner can either enhance the relationship or put it at risk. Consider these guidelines for having constructive arguments with your partner: 1. It is better to be happy together than to be right. Blaming each other and trying to change the other person&#8217;s opinion are both counterproductive. When we assume that one person is right and the other person is wrong, we put the other person who was “wrong” on the defensive. Get out of this right vs. wrong framework together. Accept the fact that you simply see the issue differently. 2. Become aware of your impact on your partner. Arguments start when we say something without realizing how our partner will take it. Your partner may blame you for starting an argument when that is the last thing you had in mind. The goal of relationship therapy is to uncover what people mean when they say things – and what it means when they hear certain things. 3. You can&#8217;t change the past. Although you may feel hurt by something that happened in the past, the only effective option you have is working for better circumstances in the present and in the future. Of course, you may want to talk about things which have bothered you in the past, but holding a grudge usually interferes with the productive resolution of current problems – those things which you can do something about it. Work on one current problem at a time, not a list of things from the past. Discuss the problem as soon as possible and while it is relevant. 4. State your needs as specific request for positive behavior change. It is not helpful to criticize the person&#8217;s character – this simply puts your partner into a defensive stance. Labeling a person with words like “crazy” or “immature” or “slob” does not solve the specific problem you need to address, and it ensures that you will not be heard. These words are only meant to [&#8230;]]]></description>
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