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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; children and divorce</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>Aftermath of Infidelity: How to Help Your Children Cope with Your Affair</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/aftermath-of-infidelity-how-to-help-your-children-cope-with-your-affair/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/aftermath-of-infidelity-how-to-help-your-children-cope-with-your-affair/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Jun 2018 00:27:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children and divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[When a relationship is rocked by an affair, the betrayed partner is often the focus of attention. This is normal, since the hurt partner is traumatized. In the immediate aftermath of the affair, addressing this partner’s anger, pain, shock and confusion is of paramount importance. But if you have children they also feel the effects and need as much help coping with the painful situation as much as &#8211; or even more  &#8211; than your partner needs. So after your children learn about your affair, what can you do? Note: The worst possible scenario you could face would be that your child becomes suicidal. At the end of this article are the Warning Signs of Childhood Depression including what actions you would need to take. Prepare for Their Anger In the aftermath of your affair, your partner’s anger and pain can surge at any time, day or night. Sometimes it can seem like their emotions flood the home. If you have children, they too will struggle with their emotions. And if you’re unprepared for this you can get overwhelmed. Your child’s anger is a common reaction, especially if they are old enough to understand what an affair is. It&#8217;s also common for your child to immediately mistrust you about everything. And just like your partner, their pain and angry can erupt at any time. Sometimes children blame the hurt partner for allowing the affair to happen. If this happens try to be patient with your child. Refrain from overreacting if your child lashes out at either of you. During your affair you probably made excuses to the kids about not being able to spend time with them. Children will often do emotional somersaults in their mind in order to believe a cheating parent’s lies, despite knowing or feeling like they’re being lied to. Furthermore, they can feel unwanted and what’s worse, blame themselves for the affair. Once the affair is revealed a child can get very angry about having had to deal with these feelings and for wasting the energy trying to believe the lies. Regardless of what happens between [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>How to Talk to Children About Divorce</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-divorce/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-divorce/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 Jan 2017 21:58:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children and divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[co-parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3684</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Children are deeply affected by their parents’ divorce. They tend to handle the divorce better, however, when both parents cooperate and act in their children’s best interest. Together, parents should develop a plan beforehand about how they will talk to the children, be prepared to patiently answer all of the children’s questions and the likelihood of intense emotions. Both parents should be present when the children are told and parents’ mood should be calm, rational, and supportive. Hostility between the parents should be avoided. Children should not be told about why their parents’ are divorcing at this time. Keep in mind that children often feel responsible for their parent’s divorce. For example that their misbehavior is the cause of the divorce. They need to be assured repeatedly, both when they are told about the divorce and then throughout the divorce process, that the divorce is not their responsibility, and that they will always be loved by both parents. Rona Subotnik and Gloria Harris, in their book Surviving Infidelity provide guidelines for helping children through the divorce process: Children should be told of the decision jointly by both parents without hostility or anger. They should not be put in the middle of adult conflicts by telling them about why the . Children need to know they are not responsible for the breakup of the marriage. Children should be told that it is the parents’ decision, and they cannot change it. Children need to know their parents still love them even though they no longer love each other. Children should be given concrete information about how their lives will change. Parents should listen to children’s concerns, and try to minimize disruption in their lives. Children should not be asked to take sides, carry messages, or become your confidants. Children should be given permission to love and enjoy the relationship with your former spouse and his or her family. Try to find positive things to say about them.  A Suggestion Talking to children about divorce is difficult. Everyone involved can have a wide range of emotional reactions that will be unique to the [&#8230;]]]></description>
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