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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; FORGIVENESS</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>After You Cheated &#8211; (4) Keys to Coping with Your Partner&#8217;s Rage</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/after-you-cheated-4-keys-to-coping-with-your-partners-rage/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/after-you-cheated-4-keys-to-coping-with-your-partners-rage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Sep 2021 00:58:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[affair recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affairs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sexual affairs]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4195</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You knew this was going to be hard. After all, when you cheat on the person you love, there is going to be consequences. And this would involve more than a simple argument or disagreement. Your actions have damaged the core of your relationship. What your partner thought was stable, and perhaps even flourishing, actually had an unstable inner core that led to betrayal. That’s exactly how your partner is going to feel—betrayed—aside from a host of other emotions. When they finally get to know the truth, they are going to be angry. And you can’t blame them. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may get, it’s important for you to know how to adequately cope with that anger so that both of you can move forward. Consider these (4) keys to help you deal with their rage. Key #1: Expect the Worst to Happen Before even going into the discussion, take a moment to step back and think. Imagine what your partner will be feeling and experiencing when they find out you cheated. Those emotions may include: Anger Disgust Sadness Fear Confusion Try to visualize how the conversation will occur, what their reaction will be, and how you will respond. Also consider in which way you want to tell them and how you will express it. Having a plan established will give you something to work with and not leave you floundering when things get tense. Key #2: Accept That They Have a Right to Their Emotions When your partner rages at you because you cheated, it can seem really startling. This is especially true if you are not used to them being angry. It might be tempting for you to try to calm them down or even say that they are being “ridiculous.” That, however, would be a mistake. Keep in mind that when someone discovers that their partner has cheated its shocking news. The person whom they thought they could trust is no longer trustworthy at all. This means that all the emotions that they are experiencing rise to the surface at once. It’s a lot to handle, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Sometimes Love Is Not Enough</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/sometimes-love-is-not-enough/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/sometimes-love-is-not-enough/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Mar 2020 00:54:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4349</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes skills that many of us haven&#8217;t learned. We don&#8217;t know how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection, but we can learn. Substantial research over the past several decades has focused on understanding the secrets of why some couples stay together and others don&#8217;t. For instance, John Gottman, Ph.D., at the University of Washington, studied over 2,000 couples, and has had remarkable success in predicting which couples will make it and which will not. One of Gottman’s major findings is that couples who fight are not necessarily on the road to a breakup. In fact, he makes the point that arguments may be constructive in building a long-term relationship because they help us to clarify our needs and increase mutual respect between partners. Other finding showed that increased sex does not necessarily improve a relationship, and that financial problems do not always imply trouble for a couple. But whether the arguments will lead to a breakup or not depends on how the couple resolves its conflicts. There are positive ways to resolve conflicts that may strengthen the relationship. This research also showed that couples are likely to succeed if they have a healthy balance between positive and negative emotions and interactions. Strong relationships have a five to one ratio – five parts positive interaction to one part negative. Couples who break up, on the other hand, tend to have more negative than positive interactions. Positive Behaviors in a Relationship Showing interest in what your partner is saying, Expressing affection to your partner both verbally (“I love you”) and non-verbally (holding hands, doing kind little things), Showing you care – perhaps by making a phone call during the day or bringing [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>No Secrets &#8230; Telling the Truth in Our Relationships</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/no-secrets-telling-the-truth-in-our-relationships/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/no-secrets-telling-the-truth-in-our-relationships/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Apr 2019 22:40:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[falling in love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[finding happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4299</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; When we commit ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly expect to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn’t have before. Humans, as social beings, seem to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction often serves as the motivator for making initial contact with the other person, and this is usually replaced over time with a deeper sense of commitment and intimacy. It comes as a terrible disappointment to some people when the sexual phase of their relationship fails to lead in time to something deeper. The task, then, is to understand the forces which block the development of a deeper sense of intimacy – and to do something about it. Fortunately, with some work – and it’s often hard work – couples can learn to move into the stage of deeper sharing and more fulfillment in their relationships. From Excitement to Reality The excitement which comes with entering a new relationship touches us at the core of our being. It influences our thinking, our emotions, and our physical bodies. In some sense it feels like a dream come true. We feel that, finally, the hard years of experiencing the world alone have come to an end. The thing that we have longed for has been achieved. We now have a partner, someone who can share, understand, and appreciate our most private experiences. The world suddenly seems like a happier and more secure place. The beginning stages of a relationship can bring a precious sense of connection – but when that phone call doesn’t come, when a plan goes awry, when the wrong words are spoken, the emotional high can turn swiftly into a feeling of devastation. Being in love can have its down side. Over time the physical stage of the relationship is typically replaced by a period of getting to know more about other aspects of our partner’s personality. Some of these characteristics are endearing to us – and others irritate us. We learn how our partner attends to the demands of everyday life, and we learn that he or she [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Relationship Restoration: How to Forgive and Reconcile After an Affair</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/relationship-restoration-how-to-forgive-and-reconcile-after-an-affair/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/relationship-restoration-how-to-forgive-and-reconcile-after-an-affair/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Jun 2018 00:36:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affairs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to save my relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4128</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Words that describe reconciliation include &#8216;repair&#8217;, &#8216;heal&#8217;, &#8216;fix&#8217; &#8216;rebuild&#8217; and &#8216;restore&#8217;. Sometimes these terms even have a place at the international level, when two or more countries in conflict can find reconciliation after a war. The same can be said for partners whose relationship has been rocked by an affair. “War” may seem to be a strong word to apply to this situation. But just as in war, infidelity involves people who have very different perspectives. Despite having ongoing differences and difficulty, it is possible for couples to find forgiveness and reconcile after an affair. Here&#8217;s how this can happen: Be Honest with Each Other First, regardless of who was unfaithful, be honest with yourself and your partner if you have decided to, or you are considering leaving the relationship. Assuming neither of you wants to end the relationship, mutual honesty is vital. If you are the one who cheated, you need to be honest with your partner about what happened. Along with disclosing everything (except for the &#8216;gory sexual details&#8217;) that happened between you and the outside person, you must answer your partner&#8217;s questions quickly and to their full satisfaction. Of course, this won&#8217;t be easy for you, but your discomfort is very minor compared to how your partner is feeling. Your partner is likely to be in tremendous pain and it would be normal for them to ask you the same questions over and over again, as though they can&#8217;t remember what you&#8217;ve already said. The fact is, if your partner was traumatized by the betrayal, they may not be capable of remembering. So your partner will need to hear you answer the same question again and again. If you were betrayed, you need to be honest and open about your thoughts and feelings. Avoid the mistake of tying to bury what&#8217;s on your mind because it will be harder to express it later, plus you may forget something important. Don&#8217;t worry about being annoying or a burden to your partner. Rather, you need to be frank about how the affair has affected you. Be assertive about expressing your thoughts [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
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		<title>Aftermath of Infidelity: How to Help Your Children Cope with Your Affair</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/aftermath-of-infidelity-how-to-help-your-children-cope-with-your-affair/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/aftermath-of-infidelity-how-to-help-your-children-cope-with-your-affair/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Jun 2018 00:27:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children and divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4086</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When a relationship is rocked by an affair, the betrayed partner is often the focus of attention. This is normal, since the hurt partner is traumatized. In the immediate aftermath of the affair, addressing this partner’s anger, pain, shock and confusion is of paramount importance. But if you have children they also feel the effects and need as much help coping with the painful situation as much as &#8211; or even more  &#8211; than your partner needs. So after your children learn about your affair, what can you do? Note: The worst possible scenario you could face would be that your child becomes suicidal. At the end of this article are the Warning Signs of Childhood Depression including what actions you would need to take. Prepare for Their Anger In the aftermath of your affair, your partner’s anger and pain can surge at any time, day or night. Sometimes it can seem like their emotions flood the home. If you have children, they too will struggle with their emotions. And if you’re unprepared for this you can get overwhelmed. Your child’s anger is a common reaction, especially if they are old enough to understand what an affair is. It&#8217;s also common for your child to immediately mistrust you about everything. And just like your partner, their pain and angry can erupt at any time. Sometimes children blame the hurt partner for allowing the affair to happen. If this happens try to be patient with your child. Refrain from overreacting if your child lashes out at either of you. During your affair you probably made excuses to the kids about not being able to spend time with them. Children will often do emotional somersaults in their mind in order to believe a cheating parent’s lies, despite knowing or feeling like they’re being lied to. Furthermore, they can feel unwanted and what’s worse, blame themselves for the affair. Once the affair is revealed a child can get very angry about having had to deal with these feelings and for wasting the energy trying to believe the lies. Regardless of what happens between [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Self-Compassion: Why it’s Much Harder Than Compassion for Others</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/self-compassion-why-its-much-harder-than-compassion-for-others/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/self-compassion-why-its-much-harder-than-compassion-for-others/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Apr 2018 00:54:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[compassion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self compassion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self help]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4000</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; Do you find it easier to forgive others than yourself? Are you able to accept others’ mistakes but not your own? Practicing self-compassion can actually be very difficult. This is especially true if you learned as a child to care more about others, or if you have a hard time forgiving yourself. People are not born with a loathing for themselves. They learn it from their environment and life experiences. Perhaps this is you. Were you told as a child that you were somehow less-than-worthy? Was this reinforced by your experiences with other people? Sadly, oftentimes it is parents who plant the seeds of these beliefs. The damaged caused only amplifies over the years into adulthood. However, there is a way to mend the situation. What Is Self-Compassion? Self-compassion is a set of practices aimed at being empathetic and affirming to you. In layman’s terms, you could say it’s, “giving yourself a break.” Yet, at the same time, it is much more than that. It encompasses the following attributes: Acceptance: Being OK with who you are—warts and all. Forgiveness: Showing compassion and mercy to yourself for past actions or behavior. Kindness: Treating yourself with love and empathy. Understanding: Having an awareness of how you think and act—and why. As a whole, self-compassion sounds like a pretty good thing. It’s very similar to showing compassion to someone else. Yet, why is it often so hard for us to practice self-compassion, even when we have no problem extending it to others? Consider some of these possibilities: Having Impossibly High Standards for Yourself One reason why it is hard to have self-compassion is that you may have really high standards for yourself. Now, on the one hand, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Everyone should strive to be their personal best. Yet, we all experience setbacks, too. There are times when we even fail. You may be someone for whom a failure becomes a personal crisis. For you, failure is not an option. Yet, this kind of thinking isn’t realistic. Everyone has weak moments from time-to-time. The important point of failure is: [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Myths and Facts</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-myths-and-facts/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-myths-and-facts/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 03 Apr 2018 22:31:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COUPLES THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE COUNSELING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheater]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelitiy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[online affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[unfaithful]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3990</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Clearly, whenever you’ve been cheated on, there are many feelings that arise. However, some of these emotions could be based on myths about those who cheat. And that can cause you to make decisions based on faulty information. If you are trying to cope with a partner’s infidelity, get the facts and reject the myths. Myth: “My partner cheated, which means they don’t love me anymore.” FACT: In reality, many people who cheat report that they did not cheat just because the relationship was bad. It is completely possible that despite your partner&#8217;s infidelity, they still feel very strongly toward you. In fact, their reasoning behind the affair may have had nothing to do with how they feel about you and much more about how they feel about themselves. Myth: “People who cheat once will cheat again.” FACT: That kind of thinking only sets up your partner to fail again. Yes, they made a mistake. But that doesn’t mean they are doomed to make it again. Everyone has the capacity to make decisions that affect their future. Your partner made a poor decision for your relationship by cheating. However, what they do afterward can mean a lot. You can see their attitude, for example, if: Your partner takes responsibility for their behavior and thee pain it&#8217;s caused. They sincerely apologize and asks for forgiveness. They have permanently cut all ties to the other person. Your partner wants to participate in therapy with you. They make an earnest and sincere effort to repair your relationship. Myth: “If I stay, our relationship will always be defined by the affair.” FACT: Certainly, the affair will have an immediate impact on the relationship. A major factor is trust. With any affair, the wounded partner will feel a loss of trust to the other. Yet, the cheating does not have to define the relationship in the long-term. If both of you want to make things right it will take a lot of work and commitment to change. For your partner, this means putting in a sincere effort to rebuild the lost trust. Of course, this [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>Need Help Letting It Go? – 5 Ways You Can Forgive and Move On</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/need-help-letting-it-go-5-ways-you-can-forgive-and-move-on/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/need-help-letting-it-go-5-ways-you-can-forgive-and-move-on/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 19 Feb 2018 21:49:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[when to let go]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3934</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Forgiveness is an idea that many of us struggle with—some forgive too quickly, while others maintain grudges that drag them down. While everybody must choose to forgive on his or her own timeline, it’s crucial that we all establish a healthy relationship with the concept of forgiveness. These 5 tips will allow you to feel more comfortable and confident about your ability to forgive. Tip #1: Reframe Your Definition of Forgiveness Many people are under the wrong impression about what forgiveness entails. So that you’re clear, forgiveness is not: Saying you condone that person’s behavior Undermining the effect that action/behavior had on you Pretending nothing happened Continuing to include the person in your life – at all or to the same extent as before For anybody except yourself Forgiveness is: Allowing yourself the energy to focus on other things Not dwelling on the past incident Recognizing the hurt and moving forward Realizing you deserve happiness instead of harboring resentment Acknowledging the wrongdoings and growing from them Something you do for yourself because you deserve peace Tip #2: Seek to Understand the Other Person’s Viewpoint When somebody wrongs you, it can feel especially hurtful because that’s never something you would do to them. So, in order to truly forgive somebody, you need to take into consideration their situation. When you know their background, you might gather more information about why they acted the way they did. For example, maybe you’re harboring resentment towards your parents. It’s vital that you reflect on their past and upbringing. Consider that they are a product of their environment, just like you are a product of yours. This doesn’t excuse their actions, but it allows you to be more empathetic and understanding. Tip #3: Write a Letter That You Won’t Send You are entitled to feel every emotion in the book—sadness, anger, fury, disappointment, etc. But instead of letting these feelings fester, it’s helpful to express them. Writing a letter to the person who wronged you is a great way to get all of your negative emotions out of your head. When you write your letter, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>Finding Intimacy</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/finding-intimacy/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/finding-intimacy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 Dec 2016 23:28:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3643</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Many people search for that special intimacy in their relationship. Some of us search our entire lives for a feeling of oneness with another person. It’s hard to describe, really, what we search for, but we know it when we finally achieve it. Maybe we tire of that dark feeling of being alone as we struggle through life. If only there were someone else here, we say to ourselves, who could understand and share these burdens. Then it wouldn’t be so lonely. It wouldn’t be so hard. Or perhaps, in our more positive moments, we want to share not just the burdens but our pleasures too, our strength and beauty. We want the powerful impact of our internal experience to have an impression on someone else, as if to say that we count, we are whole, and we want to impart this feeling to another person. Humans are social beings. Is that why we search for intimacy with others? Is the quest for intimacy the reason we commit ourselves to another person in marriage or some other public declaration of loyalty? In trying to find intimacy, are we simply searching again for the ultimate feeling of bonding that we felt toward a parent during our infancy? The search for intimacy may be one reason we form social groups, and it may explain why we quest for spiritual fulfillment in our lives. Many people in contemporary society feel lonely. For all the benefits we derive from living in a highly technological world, with seemingly instant and complete communication with others, we still may find it difficult to discover ways to form intimate relationships. In fact, our high tech society seems to fragment our social connections, to drive us away from other people. For example, texting seems to make connecting with other people much easier, but in truth our messages are usually just flashes of ideas – briefly written, briefly read, and instantaneously deleted – and they barely fulfill our desire for more complete relationships. Our high tech world has brought us an abundance of stress. We’re conditioned to expect immediate responses [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>10 Steps to Forgiveness</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/10-steps-to-forgiveness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 24 Nov 2016 05:37:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[forgiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to let go of past hurts]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=3585</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Understand fully that forgiveness does not mean that it is all right for the aggressive behavior to ever be repeated. Forgiveness is meant for past behavior that was unacceptable. Give up the unrealistic hope that the offender will apologize or answer your questions or be able to explain why he or she hurt you. Even if apologies or answers were forthcoming, they would not alleviate the pain. The offender&#8217;s views, and depth of insight, will differ from your own. Understand that the pain is all yours, not the other person’s. When we forgive, it is for the purpose of dealing with our own pain. Make up a list of the specific things that were done to you which you have decided to forgive. This means acknowledging and grieving the losses that have resulted from being hurt, and this may generate potent feelings of anger, sadness and fear. See if there were any positives about the relationship. In some cases there may not be anything positive – but if they do exist, acknowledging them could help you move toward a more compassionate view of the relationship. Write a letter to the offender. This is a letter that you will never send. Allow your feelings to flow onto paper. Write freely about your hurt and anger, but include any positive feelings you may have about the relationship. If it feels right to you, acknowledge that they were probably doing their best at the time or perhaps they had been strongly influenced by their upbringing. Regardless of whether or not you write a letter, you can use your imagination and have a dialogue with the offender. Try to talk out loud if you do this. If you have their picture, look at it while you talk. You can also imagine what they might say in response, and then you can reply to what you imagine they would say. It may be helpful to look at your reflection in the mirror while you have this dialogue. When you do this you are witnessing yourself letting go of your pain. An alternative to this is [&#8230;]]]></description>
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