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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; Divorce</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>Procrastination Hurts Relationships</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/procrastination-hurts-relationships-2/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/procrastination-hurts-relationships-2/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 May 2020 03:14:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[quarantine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4385</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Almost every relationship has been affected by procrastination at one time or another–when one or both partners put responsibilities off to another day or time, only to endlessly delay completing the task at hand. For some people it is a persistent problem, while for others it happens only in certain areas of their lives such as their relationship. It can cause suffering in a committed relationship, when one partner delays or avoids keeping promises or agreements, putting the relationship at risk. And relationships outside the home also requiring teamwork such as friendships; at work and in the community, can suffer. Being unreliable can jeopardize one’s personal reputation, making a partner, friend or coworker lose trust in the procrastinator. There are better ways of dealing with the demands of our everyday lives with needs of our partner, friends and coworkers, once we accept that we are a procrastinator and make a commitment to change. There is a relationship between anxiety and procrastination. It is no surprise that people who fear failure have the problem, as well as people with low self-esteem.  People who are easily frustrated or need instant gratification or cannot concentrate all have difficulty completing tasks. Those who have conflicts with authority figures and are rebellious are inclined to procrastinate. Procrastinators make excuses. When we procrastinate, we are neither carrying out things that need to be done nor are we confronting the underlying reasons for our procrastination. So, what do we tell ourselves to justify our behavior? We may use any of several excuses – and here are some common ones: Getting Bogged Down in Trivia We spend our time on easy tasks and say that we are so busy that we cannot get to the major project. We might answer phone calls, read e-mails, clean the living room, have lunch – anything that we find simple and are emotionally prepared to do – rather than facing the task that we really have to do. We tell ourselves that we simply had to clear up these trivial tasks before tackling our project and there was no time left. Thus, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Growth During Crisis</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/growth-during-crisis/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/growth-during-crisis/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 28 Apr 2020 21:35:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GRIEF & LOSS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[change. sudden change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dealing with crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elderly]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[suicide]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4375</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[For many of us, life as we know it is or soon will be gone, be it socially, professionally or personally. Being aware of and expressing our thoughts and feelings during this crisis is important to our mental and emotional health.  Sudden change often creates anxiety. To help reduce your stress, focus on what you can control; add structure to routines; develop near-term plans (i.e., days or one week out); avoid obsessively watching the news; and talk about your feelings with friends and family. One quick way to calm yourself and stay in the present moment is to do a simple grounding exercise. Pick up an object and concentrate on its weight, shape, color, texture and scent. You can also learn relaxation techniques like mindfulness and meditation through free online apps and eBooks specific to anxiety. Helpful websites include anxiety.org and www.adaa.org. Feelings of grief and loss are also normal. Grief may come out of nowhere, completely consuming you. But you can have some control over your response. For example, you can schedule a specific time for grieving. Then when it strikes, tell yourself “Not now, later.” Then at the specified time allow yourself to grieve. Free online apps and eBooks related to grieving and depression are available. For additional resources go to griefcounselor.org, nami.org and nihm.nih.gov. People who we thought were strong may need our help and emotional support. For example, trauma victims and those with mental illness already have compromised emotional and psychological resources. Additional stress may weaken their existing coping capacity and lead to more symptoms. The effects on children of long-term school closures, social isolation and daily interaction with parents who are now their teachers are unknown, meaning they may also need support. Under stress, it’s normal for kids to regress and act younger.  Once parents determine and address what’s wrong, normal behavior usually returns. Extra reassurance and encouragement are vital to a child’s emotional well-being. One way for parents to help their children feel valuable is to ask what they’re learning at home, from them, about relationships. Resources for helping children include kidsmentalhealth.org and acmh-mi.org. Loving relationships [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Resilient Personality – Coping with Chaos and Hardship</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/the-resilient-personality-coping-with-chaos-and-hardship/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/the-resilient-personality-coping-with-chaos-and-hardship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 31 Mar 2020 18:35:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GRIEF & LOSS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chaos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hardship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[job loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trauma]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4367</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”                                                                                                – Ralph Waldo Emerson All of us experience major disruptions at certain points in our lives. In fact, this is an expected and predictable hallmark of the human condition. For some, these hard times come frequently – the impact of the trauma is overwhelming and recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience – the strength required to adapt to chaos and hardship – lies at the heart of mental and emotional health. Those who have been emotionally, sexually, and physically abused as children, as well as those who have grown up with learning disabilities and attention deficit disorders share  many of the common characteristics of those who have endured traumas later in life, such as war, the loss of a loved one, natural disasters, financial catastrophes, or a major illness. Normal Life Disruption vs. Trauma What has been most interesting in these studies is the finding that some traumatized people – both those with childhood abuse and other challenges, as well as those who experienced life disruptions in adulthood – suffer virtually no ill effects from the trauma. In fact, in many cases they seem to have grown stronger and led more integrated lives. This unexpected finding has guided researchers to explore the nature of resilience. The normal life cycle contains predictable periods of life disruption. For example, when we move from childhood to adolescence, everything we knew about the world goes through a jarring transformation. During this period of life disorganization, our bodies go through tremendous hormonal and developmental changes, our definitions of other people change, our motives and interests change, we learn how to define ourselves as individuals with autonomy, and we expand our range of social relationships. Similar stages of disruption occur when the adolescent moves into young adulthood, and then into a permanent relationship, possible parenting, middle age, and then retirement and [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Losing Your Relationship  &#8211; Aftermath of Divorce</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/losing-your-relationship-understanding-the-after-effects/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/losing-your-relationship-understanding-the-after-effects/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2019 02:31:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GRIEF & LOSS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[friends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marraige counseling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4239</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Most divorcing people are forced to come to terms with a number of fears. What will people say? Who can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner&#8217;s anger toward me? How do I deal with my own anger? Am I a complete failure? How can I be a single parent? Will I be able to keep my children? What about money? Can I do the banking and buy groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable? Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the energy for this much change? When we hold on to our fears and refuse to do anything about them, we increase the likelihood that these will be the very areas where we experience trouble. Loneliness The loneliness one experiences at the time of divorce can feel immeasurable. The finality of the marriage, the uncertainty about the future, and the knowledge that your partner will no longer be there to comfort you or to spend time with you, can all contribute to an empty feeling that will not go away. The clue is to change loneliness to aloneness, to change the emptiness to a feeling of peace, contentment, and fulfillment. Looking into oneself and liking what one sees is a key to making the shift to aloneness. (Get into being alone. It is a precious but tenuous gift that can disappear far too quickly from one&#8217;s life.) Friendship Divorce is a true test of just who your real friends are. It is important to draw on the emotional support of friends during a divorce. Unfortunately, many of your friends were those who knew you as a couple and they often must choose between you. Even those who try to stay neutral find it difficult. Many may feel that your divorce somehow threatens their own marriages and some friends may now find it difficult to relate to you as a single person. Not only that, but you may find it difficult to trust others during a divorce. Getting out, feeling free, and [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>7 Tips for Ending a Love Relationship with Grace, Dignity and Compassion</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/7-tips-for-ending-a-love-relationship-with-grace-dignity-and-compassion/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/7-tips-for-ending-a-love-relationship-with-grace-dignity-and-compassion/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 22 Sep 2018 20:25:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ending a relationship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trust in relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4184</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It’s not uncommon to fall out of love with someone. Even though you have been close for a long time, you may feel that now is the time to end the relationship. The question then becomes, what’s the best way to go about it? Even if you feel that you’re no longer in love, you probably still care for your partner to a degree, and you want to break up on as best of terms as possible. Here are some tips on how you can end your love relationship with grace, dignity, and compassion. 1. Talk with Your Partner Face to Face If you feel safe doing so, talking to your partner face-to-face about how you feel is very important. At the same time, though, it can be very hard. That’s to be expected. After all, ending a relationship, especially one where partners have been together for a while, is never easy. That’s why you owe it to your partner to do it in person, rather than over the phone, messenger, or even text message (yes, it happens!). 2. Prepare for It Before you have this difficult conversation, take the time to organize your thoughts. Write down some notes, or an outline, for why you are making this decision. You don’t have to read directly from it when the time comes. Although, it can be helpful as a guide in the moment. Also, don’t focus on the negative reasons why you are ending the relationship. Let your partner know all of the positive things that you think in connection with them and how much you have appreciated their presence. 3. Make it About Yourself Don’t blame your partner for the relationship ending. Instead, make it about yourself and give your reasons why. Putting all of the blame on your partner for the relationship ending isn’t fair, as they are not the one deciding to call it quits. It’s certainly not a way to show grace, dignity, and compassion. In fact, it will guarantee to drive a wedge between you and your ex-partner, only creating an emotional wound. Instead, own your [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>Aftermath of Infidelity: How to Help Your Children Cope with Your Affair</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/aftermath-of-infidelity-how-to-help-your-children-cope-with-your-affair/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/aftermath-of-infidelity-how-to-help-your-children-cope-with-your-affair/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 08 Jun 2018 00:27:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[FORGIVENESS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cheating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children and divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional affair]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4086</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When a relationship is rocked by an affair, the betrayed partner is often the focus of attention. This is normal, since the hurt partner is traumatized. In the immediate aftermath of the affair, addressing this partner’s anger, pain, shock and confusion is of paramount importance. But if you have children they also feel the effects and need as much help coping with the painful situation as much as &#8211; or even more  &#8211; than your partner needs. So after your children learn about your affair, what can you do? Note: The worst possible scenario you could face would be that your child becomes suicidal. At the end of this article are the Warning Signs of Childhood Depression including what actions you would need to take. Prepare for Their Anger In the aftermath of your affair, your partner’s anger and pain can surge at any time, day or night. Sometimes it can seem like their emotions flood the home. If you have children, they too will struggle with their emotions. And if you’re unprepared for this you can get overwhelmed. Your child’s anger is a common reaction, especially if they are old enough to understand what an affair is. It&#8217;s also common for your child to immediately mistrust you about everything. And just like your partner, their pain and angry can erupt at any time. Sometimes children blame the hurt partner for allowing the affair to happen. If this happens try to be patient with your child. Refrain from overreacting if your child lashes out at either of you. During your affair you probably made excuses to the kids about not being able to spend time with them. Children will often do emotional somersaults in their mind in order to believe a cheating parent’s lies, despite knowing or feeling like they’re being lied to. Furthermore, they can feel unwanted and what’s worse, blame themselves for the affair. Once the affair is revealed a child can get very angry about having had to deal with these feelings and for wasting the energy trying to believe the lies. Regardless of what happens between [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<title>Devastated by Divorce? How Self-Care Can Help You Heal</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/devastated-by-divorce-how-self-care-can-help-you-heal/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/devastated-by-divorce-how-self-care-can-help-you-heal/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 21 May 2018 22:50:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[after the divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[divorce recovery]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4071</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#160; After a divorce, you are faced with an unknown frontier. A shared future, once planned and full of possibilities for discovery and passion, is forever changed. Perhaps your journey now feels scary and uncertain. You’re standing at the starting line again. Alone. Do you feel as though you’ve lost a big piece of yourself or who you thought you were? It is that feeling that makes self-care after a divorce so crucial for your mental and emotional healing.  Why Is Self-Care a Vital Part of the Healing Process? After a divorce, you are tackling the world and figuring out a new path for yourself on your own. Going forward and building a new life for yourself requires being as strong as you can be, both mentally and emotionally. And beginning the healing process by looking inward will help you in your outward journey to happiness and feeling whole once more. Divorce can stir up buried emotions or create new feelings that may be crippling to our sense of self. These can include feeling hopeless or helpless that the future can be brighter or anxiety about moving on alone or guilt that you could have or should have done more to save your marriage. Before you can begin your pursuit of a new life in earnest, acknowledging, accepting, and processing these or other emotions you might have will be vital. Self-Care for the Healing Process How you go about your self-care looks will different from what others do for themselves. Finding what works best for you may take a little time. For example will a divorce recovery group or individual counseling or being among friends or going it alone be the best route? But ultimately, your self-care regimen will be your guide through the healing process of divorce recovery. Consider these helpful self-care steps: 1) Allow yourself to grieve Divorce is a trauma. No need to always put on a brave face. Sometimes, we feel guilty or ashamed to grieve. It may seem to be a sign of weakness, which can be especially true for men. However, grief is a natural reaction to the [&#8230;]]]></description>
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