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	<title>Better Relationships &#187; Anxiety</title>
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	<link>https://www.better-relationships.com</link>
	<description>Marriage &#38; Couples Counseling, Psychotherapy, Premarital Counseling</description>
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		<title>Worry, Worry</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/worry-worry/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/worry-worry/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Sep 2020 22:24:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ADDICTIONS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Career]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to manage worry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[OCD]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PTSD]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[worry]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4394</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It’s a good thing that almost all of us worry. Think of worry as a built-in alarm device. When it is used wisely, it alerts us to danger and prompts us to navigate our way through a maze of solutions to life’s various problems. We need to think through our options when we are faced with problems, weighing the benefits and pitfalls of each alternative, and then come up with the best solution. From there we take action which, we hope, solves the problem. Worry is helpful when it is used at the right time and at the right level for resolving our difficulties. Like many things in life, however, too little worry, or too much of it, can be harmful. Too Little Too little worry can result in impulsive decisions which may result in unfortunate consequences. Indeed, some people are high risk-takers who may not worry enough about problems – they may win, but just as often, they lose. Others avoid worry through substance abuse or other addictive behaviors and then lack the motivation and insight to deal realistically with life’s expected problems. Similarly, a laid-back, come-what-may approach, while it has some merits, sometimes suggests passivity and a lack of ability to participate in the complexities of life&#8217;s experiences. Too Much As we all know, some people worry too much. Rather than solving a problem, too much worry becomes the problem. Not only does excessive worry create personal suffering, but it also affects the people around the worrier. Worry is a fairly common, but potentially serious, condition. The stress which accompanies worry can have serious physical implications, including an increased risk for blood pressure, heart ailments and immune system deficiencies. Worrying About Things We Can’t Control Most people who worry excessively are well aware of their tendencies, although some simply view it as their normal state of affairs. (Indeed, some people like to worry because they feel that their mind [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Procrastination Hurts Relationships</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/procrastination-hurts-relationships-2/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/procrastination-hurts-relationships-2/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 22 May 2020 03:14:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ARGUMENTS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMITMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIP THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[couples]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[quarantine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4385</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Almost every relationship has been affected by procrastination at one time or another–when one or both partners put responsibilities off to another day or time, only to endlessly delay completing the task at hand. For some people it is a persistent problem, while for others it happens only in certain areas of their lives such as their relationship. It can cause suffering in a committed relationship, when one partner delays or avoids keeping promises or agreements, putting the relationship at risk. And relationships outside the home also requiring teamwork such as friendships; at work and in the community, can suffer. Being unreliable can jeopardize one’s personal reputation, making a partner, friend or coworker lose trust in the procrastinator. There are better ways of dealing with the demands of our everyday lives with needs of our partner, friends and coworkers, once we accept that we are a procrastinator and make a commitment to change. There is a relationship between anxiety and procrastination. It is no surprise that people who fear failure have the problem, as well as people with low self-esteem.  People who are easily frustrated or need instant gratification or cannot concentrate all have difficulty completing tasks. Those who have conflicts with authority figures and are rebellious are inclined to procrastinate. Procrastinators make excuses. When we procrastinate, we are neither carrying out things that need to be done nor are we confronting the underlying reasons for our procrastination. So, what do we tell ourselves to justify our behavior? We may use any of several excuses – and here are some common ones: Getting Bogged Down in Trivia We spend our time on easy tasks and say that we are so busy that we cannot get to the major project. We might answer phone calls, read e-mails, clean the living room, have lunch – anything that we find simple and are emotionally prepared to do – rather than facing the task that we really have to do. We tell ourselves that we simply had to clear up these trivial tasks before tackling our project and there was no time left. Thus, [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Growth During Crisis</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/growth-during-crisis/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/growth-during-crisis/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 28 Apr 2020 21:35:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CONFLICT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GRIEF & LOSS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[change. sudden change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[children]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dealing with crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[elderly]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[suicide]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4375</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[For many of us, life as we know it is or soon will be gone, be it socially, professionally or personally. Being aware of and expressing our thoughts and feelings during this crisis is important to our mental and emotional health.  Sudden change often creates anxiety. To help reduce your stress, focus on what you can control; add structure to routines; develop near-term plans (i.e., days or one week out); avoid obsessively watching the news; and talk about your feelings with friends and family. One quick way to calm yourself and stay in the present moment is to do a simple grounding exercise. Pick up an object and concentrate on its weight, shape, color, texture and scent. You can also learn relaxation techniques like mindfulness and meditation through free online apps and eBooks specific to anxiety. Helpful websites include anxiety.org and www.adaa.org. Feelings of grief and loss are also normal. Grief may come out of nowhere, completely consuming you. But you can have some control over your response. For example, you can schedule a specific time for grieving. Then when it strikes, tell yourself “Not now, later.” Then at the specified time allow yourself to grieve. Free online apps and eBooks related to grieving and depression are available. For additional resources go to griefcounselor.org, nami.org and nihm.nih.gov. People who we thought were strong may need our help and emotional support. For example, trauma victims and those with mental illness already have compromised emotional and psychological resources. Additional stress may weaken their existing coping capacity and lead to more symptoms. The effects on children of long-term school closures, social isolation and daily interaction with parents who are now their teachers are unknown, meaning they may also need support. Under stress, it’s normal for kids to regress and act younger.  Once parents determine and address what’s wrong, normal behavior usually returns. Extra reassurance and encouragement are vital to a child’s emotional well-being. One way for parents to help their children feel valuable is to ask what they’re learning at home, from them, about relationships. Resources for helping children include kidsmentalhealth.org and acmh-mi.org. Loving relationships [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Resilient Personality – Coping with Chaos and Hardship</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/the-resilient-personality-coping-with-chaos-and-hardship/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/the-resilient-personality-coping-with-chaos-and-hardship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 31 Mar 2020 18:35:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Crisis]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Divorce]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[GRIEF & LOSS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[INFIDELITY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MARRIAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chaos]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hardship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[job loss]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trauma]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4367</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”                                                                                                – Ralph Waldo Emerson All of us experience major disruptions at certain points in our lives. In fact, this is an expected and predictable hallmark of the human condition. For some, these hard times come frequently – the impact of the trauma is overwhelming and recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience – the strength required to adapt to chaos and hardship – lies at the heart of mental and emotional health. Those who have been emotionally, sexually, and physically abused as children, as well as those who have grown up with learning disabilities and attention deficit disorders share  many of the common characteristics of those who have endured traumas later in life, such as war, the loss of a loved one, natural disasters, financial catastrophes, or a major illness. Normal Life Disruption vs. Trauma What has been most interesting in these studies is the finding that some traumatized people – both those with childhood abuse and other challenges, as well as those who experienced life disruptions in adulthood – suffer virtually no ill effects from the trauma. In fact, in many cases they seem to have grown stronger and led more integrated lives. This unexpected finding has guided researchers to explore the nature of resilience. The normal life cycle contains predictable periods of life disruption. For example, when we move from childhood to adolescence, everything we knew about the world goes through a jarring transformation. During this period of life disorganization, our bodies go through tremendous hormonal and developmental changes, our definitions of other people change, our motives and interests change, we learn how to define ourselves as individuals with autonomy, and we expand our range of social relationships. Similar stages of disruption occur when the adolescent moves into young adulthood, and then into a permanent relationship, possible parenting, middle age, and then retirement and [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Eating Disorders</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/eating-disorders/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/eating-disorders/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2019 23:02:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[ADDICTIONS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BODY IMAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WEIGHT MANAGEMENT]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anorexia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[appetite]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[binge eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bulimia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[food]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[over eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[purging]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[starvation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weight loss]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4317</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[An Eating Disorder Is a Very Serious Problem That Demands Immediate Attention The Chinese used to bind the feet of women to make them smaller. So tiny and fragile were their feet, in fact, that some women were left essentially crippled, barely able to walk. To the Chinese, this was a sign of beauty and social status. But to us it seems a cruel and bizarre practice. The irony is that we in present-day American society do something just as cruel, just as bizarre as the Chinese did. We tend to see the thin, emaciated, malnourished female as beautiful. If your body has &#8220;the look,&#8221; you are seen as healthier, younger, better able to wear the right clothes, and you will gain social approval more readily. This definition of beauty is linked to our society’s emphasis on youth – younger women tend to be thinner than those who are older. In contemporary America, thin women are hired for jobs more frequently than heavier women, and they are married sooner &#8230; to wealthier men. Many of us hate the bodies we were born with and will agree to any number of procedures to change the shape of our bodies, including starvation diets and surgeries which suck the fat out of certain areas of our bodies (and then we go on to plump up our lips!). Is the Chinese practice of binding feet any more bizarre than what we do? (Whatever happened to the notion that good exercise, healthy nutrition, and genuine liking of ourselves and our bodies, whatever their shape, might be the best way to live?) In truth, our preoccupation with extreme thinness is just a passing social fad. A century ago in America the plump look was in. And, hopefully, our preoccupation with thinness may continue to change over the years. Some models these days are older and a bit heavier than they were in years past. And there is a trend in the fashion world to emphasize the healthy body and healthy living rather than placing a premium on the emaciated look. Unfortunately, the value placed on the [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Distortions in Your Body Image</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/distortions-in-your-body-image/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/distortions-in-your-body-image/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Jun 2019 00:08:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BODY IMAGE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEX]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[THERAPY]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[body image]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[diet]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dieting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[intimacy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mood]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weight loss]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4311</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“What disturbs people’s minds is not events, but their judgments on events.” – Epictetus In China, parents once bound the feet of their daughters in pursuit of beauty. In parts of Africa, both men and women elongate their earlobes and decorate their skin with minerals to look attractive, and this trend may be found in the United States now. At one time in this society, we found plump, rotund people to be the epitome of beauty. Old movies show us that the Tarzans and Supermen of past decades would hardly pass muster in today’s gyms. Today we define beauty as a thin, youthful, and muscular look. Today we go under the knife and on extreme diets to achieve a socially acceptable appearance – not to mention tattoos and body piercing – all practices that are similar to the early Chinese custom of binding feet. Although changes are taking place, strong social standards have dictated, especially through the media, how we should look – and if our own bodies deviate from these expectations, which is the case for almost all of us, we can feel inferior and ashamed. We hide. We cover up. We don’t like an important part of our selves. We feel depressed. We feel anxious in front of other people. We feel powerless – and we are apologetic when we show the world who we are. Body image refers to your personal relationship with your body. This includes all of the beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and perceptions you have about your body. It does not refer to what your body actually looks like. Our body is one of many aspects of who we are, but for many of us it is the dominating source of our sense of self. If we compare ourselves to what we are supposed to look like, we come up short and this brings up negative feelings about who we are. We forget that our inner or essential self has many wonderful attributes. We do not have to harbor negative feelings about ourselves because our external appearance may not conform to current social norms. [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Weight Management and Your Emotions</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/weight-management-and-your-emotions/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/weight-management-and-your-emotions/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 19 Jun 2019 02:03:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[COMMUNICATION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anger]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety nutrition]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[binge eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[dieting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional eating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[obesity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[weight loss]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4307</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Obesity is at epidemic proportions in the United States and most Westernized countries. If you are overweight, you are hardly alone, as you can see by looking around you. About two-thirds of Americans are overweight and the statistics climb by the year. Even children now are heavier than they have ever been – and this is happening during a time in our history when the thin look is defined as the ideal. Type II diabetes and hypertension (or high blood pressure) are two diseases associated with obesity, and the rates of these diseases have been increasing steadily over the years. Obesity is also linked to heart disease, stroke, and certain cancers. A Heavy Price for Convenience The causes of obesity are easy to identify. We eat more calories than we burn off, and the excess calories are stored as body fat. In the 1960&#8217;s the average person consumed about 3,100 calories per day. By the 1990&#8217;s that number had increased to 3,700 calories per day, and in 2018 had remained about the same. We have easy access to fast food and sugary sodas, and restaurants have found that their sales increase when they offer excessively large servings. We eat more processed foods and fewer natural or whole foods, and this is mostly due to convenience and low prices. We spend more time these days in front of the computer or television set, and we drive to where we need to go rather than walking or biking. Our jobs are increasingly sedentary and don’t involve as much physical labor as in the past. We pay a price for our present-day conveniences. More than Dieting Getting the weight off involves more than going on a diet, although a calorie-restricted diet is essential for losing excess pounds. To lose weight it is necessary to decrease caloric intake enough to cause an energy deficit, but it is important to avoid the binge eating that can result from feelings of food deprivation. Filling up on fiber with salads and lots of vegetables and some fruit, as well as drinking a lot of water and eating [&#8230;]]]></description>
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		<item>
		<title>Healthy Pleasure</title>
		<link>https://www.better-relationships.com/healthy-pleasure/</link>
		<comments>https://www.better-relationships.com/healthy-pleasure/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 Mar 2019 21:39:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Jim Swaniger]]></dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Career]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DEPRESSION]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[MEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[PARENTING]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[RELATIONSHIPS]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[WOMEN'S ISSUES]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[having fun]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy plesure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pleasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[simple pelasures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.better-relationships.com/?p=4289</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[  Engaging in Simple, Healthy Pleasures Can Restore Balance to our Hectic Lives The brain has several pleasure centers which are activated by chemicals which speed satisfying sensations from one nerve to the next. Children the world over, when they are left alone to do what they choose, engage in endless hours of play. They pursue fun. Childhood may be the time in life when our brains are trained to experience pleasure. If we accomplish this task well as children, we may have healthier lives as adults — as long as we don’t lose the ability to play that we acquired in childhood. Pleasure guides us to better health. When experiences are enjoyable, we want more of them. Our bodies tell us that sleep, reproduction, eating, companionship, and exercise – to name just a few of our common daily activities – are enjoyable. Our survival depends on engaging in these activities. And we define these basic actions as sources of fun or pleasure, and this may explain why we feel impelled to engage in them. A &#8216;Mindset&#8217; for Healthy Pleasure Think about what children do when they play. They lose themselves in the pleasure of the moment. We have all observed children at play. They glow with pleasure — they shout, smile, and move their bodies. Engrossed in their world of play, they are aware of neither the past nor the future. There is only the moment. As adults, we also have an ability to shift our awareness from rational and logical concerns to a level which is freer and centered on the moment. People who can shift appropriately between the “there and then” to the “here and now” are good at reality testing and adapting to the demands of the world. They can draw on both their thought processes and their ability to take effective action. What would happen if these behaviors were not pleasurable? Eating would disappear and sleep would vanish. We could no longer survive. Balancing Fun and Work Balance is the key to understanding the role of having fun vs. meeting real-world obligations in our lives. [&#8230;]]]></description>
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