forgiveness

After You Cheated – (4) Keys to Coping with Your Partner’s Rage

FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, MARRIAGE, MEN'S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, THERAPY, Uncategorized, WOMEN'S ISSUES - , , , , , -

You knew this was going to be hard.

After all, when you cheat on the person you love, there is going to be consequences. And this would involve more than a simple argument or disagreement. Your actions have damaged the core of your relationship. What your partner thought was stable, and perhaps even flourishing, actually had an unstable inner core that led to betrayal. That’s exactly how your partner is going to feel—betrayed—aside from a host of other emotions.

When they finally get to know the truth, they are going to be angry. And you can’t blame them. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may get, it’s important for you to know how to adequately cope with that anger so that both of you can move forward.

Consider these (4) keys to help you deal with their rage.

No Secrets … Telling the Truth in Our Relationships

ARGUMENTS, COMMITMENT, COMMUNICATION, COUPLES THERAPY, FORGIVENESS, MARRIAGE, MEN'S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, WOMEN'S ISSUES - , , , , , , , -

 

When we commit ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly expect to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn’t have before. Humans, as social beings, seem to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction often serves as the motivator for making initial contact with the other person, and this is usually replaced over time with a deeper sense of commitment and intimacy.

It comes as a terrible disappointment to some people when the sexual phase of their relationship fails to lead in time to something deeper. The task, then, is to understand the forces which block the development of a deeper sense of intimacy – and to do something about it. Fortunately, with some work – and it’s often hard work – couples can learn to move into the stage of deeper sharing and more fulfillment in their relationships.

Relationship Restoration: How to Forgive and Reconcile After an Affair

ARGUMENTS, COMMITMENT, FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, RELATIONSHIPS - , , , , , , -

Words that describe reconciliation include ‘repair’, ‘heal’, ‘fix’ ‘rebuild’ and ‘restore’.

Sometimes these terms even have a place at the international level, when two or more countries in conflict can find reconciliation after a war.

The same can be said for partners whose relationship has been rocked by an affair. “War” may seem to be a strong word to apply to this situation. But just as in war, infidelity involves people who have very different perspectives.

Despite having ongoing differences and difficulty, it is possible for couples to find forgiveness and reconcile after an affair.

Here’s how this can happen:

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Myths and Facts

COMMITMENT, CONFLICT, COUNSELING, COUPLES THERAPY, FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, MARRIAGE, MARRIAGE COUNSELING, MEN'S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, THERAPY, WOMEN'S ISSUES - , , , , , , , -

Clearly, whenever you’ve been cheated on, there are many feelings that arise.

However, some of these emotions could be based on myths about those who cheat. And that can cause you to make decisions based on faulty information.

If you are trying to cope with a partner’s infidelity, get the facts and reject the myths.

Need Help Letting It Go? – 5 Ways You Can Forgive and Move On

COMMUNICATION, FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, MARRIAGE, MEN'S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, WOMEN'S ISSUES - , , , -

Forgiveness is an idea that many of us struggle with—some forgive too quickly, while others maintain grudges that drag them down.

While everybody must choose to forgive on his or her own timeline, it’s crucial that we all establish a healthy relationship with the concept of forgiveness.

These 5 tips will allow you to feel more comfortable and confident about your ability to forgive.

10 Steps to Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, MARRIAGE, RELATIONSHIPS - , , -
  1. Understand fully that forgiveness does not mean that it is all right for the aggressive behavior to ever be repeated. Forgiveness is meant for past behavior that was unacceptable.
  2. Give up the unrealistic hope that the offender will apologize or answer your questions or be able to explain why he or she hurt you. Even if apologies or answers were forthcoming, they would not alleviate the pain. The offender’s views, and depth of insight, will differ from your own.
  3. Understand that the pain is all yours, not the other person’s. When we forgive, it is for the purpose of dealing with our own pain.
  4. Make up a list of the specific things that were done to you which you have decided to forgive.
  5. This means acknowledging and grieving the losses that have resulted from being hurt, and this may generate potent feelings of anger, sadness and fear.
  6. See if there were any positives about the relationship. In some cases there may not be anything positive – but if they do exist, acknowledging them could help you move toward a more compassionate view of the relationship.
  7. Write a letter to the offender. This is a letter that you will never send. Allow your feelings to flow onto paper. Write freely about your hurt and anger, but include any positive feelings you may have about the relationship. If it feels right to you, acknowledge that they were probably doing their best at the time or perhaps they had been strongly influenced by their upbringing.
  8. Regardless of whether or not you write a letter, you can use your imagination and have a dialogue with the offender. Try to talk out loud if you do this. If you have their picture, look at it while you talk. You can also imagine what they might say in response, and then you can reply to what you imagine they would say. It may be helpful to look at your reflection in the mirror while you have this dialogue. When you do this you are witnessing yourself letting go of your pain. An alternative to this is to engage in a role-playing exercise with a close friend or a professional therapist.
  9. Create a separation ceremony which ends the connection between you and the offender. For example, you might burn your letter and the lists you made and then scatter the ashes. Or you might visualize a final goodbye where the offender-and your hurt feelings-float away like a balloon, becoming smaller and smaller and eventually disappearing. As part of this ceremony, give the perpetrator your blessing and forgiveness.
  10. Celebrate your freedom to live your life unburdened by the pain of your past hurt.

If you have intense feelings during any of these steps, this may be an indicator that you may need to work some more on your losses before you are ready to forgive. The help of a supportive person – a professional therapist or a trusted friend – may be needed as you progress through this experience.

Please call me at 949-760-7171 or text 949-244-8572 or email me at jimswaniger@gmail.com with any questions of to schedule an appointment.

 

How to Forgive

FORGIVENESS, INFIDELITY, MARRIAGE, MEN'S ISSUES, RELATIONSHIPS, WOMEN'S ISSUES - , , -

All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for note returning our phone call, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed us in a major way. The greatest hurts seem to come from those who play the most significant roles in our lives.

The enormity of the hurt may lead us to conclude that we can never forgive the other person. However, to forgive or not forgive is one of our most important life choices. It is vital for our own emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice that has consequences.

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